Two guys grow up together, but after college, one moves to New York and the other to Washington.

They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At the age of 32, they meet, finish their round of golf, and head for lunch. “Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why Hooters?”

“They have those servers with the big b.o.o.bs, the tight shorts and the gorgeous legs.”

“You’re on.”

At age 42, they meet and play golf again, “Where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Again?

Why?”

“They have cold beer, big screen TVs, and side action on the games.”

“OK.”

At age 52 they meet and play again.

“So where you wanna go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“The food is pretty good and there’s plenty of parking.”

“OK.”

At age 62 they meet again.

After a round of golf, one says, “Where you wanna go?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Wings are half price and the food isn’t too spicy.”

“Good choice.”

At age 72 they meet again.

Once again, after a round of golf, one says, “Where shall we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“They have six handicapped parking spaces right by the door and they have senior discounts.”

“Great choice.”

At age 82 they meet and play again.

“Where should we go for lunch?”

“Hooters.”

“Why?”

“Because we’ve never been there before.”

“Okay, let’s give it a try.”

Our hearts are heavy for our friends in Texas as they grieve the loss of Sgt. J.D. White, who tragically lost his life while escorting a funeral procession. Sadly, he was fatally struck by a vehicle while carrying out his duties.
Please keep his loved ones and the Angleton Police Department in your thoughts and prayers ❤️

A person should see a dermatologist if they have cysts, nodules, and deep, painful acne.

They have late-onset or persistent acne: Late-onset acne may occur in adults who have never previously had the condition.

Persistent acne is a relapse or continuation of acne from adolescence into adulthood

A man came home from an exhausting day at work, plopped down on the couch in front of the television, and told his wife: “Get me a beer before it starts!”

The wife sighed and got him a beer.

Ten minutes later, he said: “Get me another beer before it starts!”

She looked cross, but fetched another beer and slammed it down next to him.

He finished that beer and a few minutes later said: “Quick, get me another beer, it’s going to start any minute!”

The wife was furious. “Is that all you’re going to do tonight! Drink beer and sit in front of that TV! You’re nothing but a lazy, drunken, fat slob and furthermore…”

The man sighed and said: “It’s started.”

There is a mommy stork, a daddy stork, and a baby stork.

One day, daddy didn’t come home for dinner.

Mommy and baby were very worried.

When dad came home late the next morning, they asked what he was doing.

“I was making a young couple very happy,” he replied.

About a week later, mommy didn’t come home for dinner.

Daddy and the baby were very worried.

When mom came home late the next morning, they asked what she was doing.

“I was making a young couple very happy,” she replied

A few days later, the baby didn’t come home for dinner.

Mom and dad were very worried.

When he came home very late the next morning, they asked him where he was.

Baby just grinned and said,

“I’ve been scaring the sh!t out of college students!”

Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where the conversation turned to the subject of marriage.

Dave had been saving for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and in dire need of a new computer.

Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of their lives to get engaged,

So he should use his savings to buy a computer instead.

During dessert, Dave suddenly reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.

Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she looked up and prompted:

“Well, don’t you have something to ask me?”

Dave then got down on bended knee.

“Honey,” he said,

“Will you buy me a new computer?”

A blonde buys two horses and can’t tell them apart.
So she asks the farmer next door what she should do.

He says to cut one of their tails off.

So she does.

But then the other horse’s tail gets caught in a bush and rips off.

So she can’t tell them apart again

She asks the farmer for advice a second time.

He tells her to cut one of the horse’s ears.

So she does.

But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

She is still confused.

She asks the farmer what to do.

He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says, “The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!”

A blonde walks by a travel agency.

A blonde walks past a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special – $99!”

She walks in, puts her money on the counter, and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.”

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde walks by a few minutes later sees the sign, walks in, puts her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special.

She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into the stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde.

They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?”

The second blonde replies, ” They didn’t last year.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

Three old ladies were sitting at the dinner table discussing their problems with getting old

The first one said, “Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can’t remember whether I need to put it away, or start making a sandwich”.

The second lady says, “Yes, sometimes I find myself on the landing of the stairs and can’t remember whether I was on my way up or on my way down”.

The third one says, “Well, ladies, I’m glad I don’t have any of those problems, knock on wood”.

As she hit her knuckles on the table she looked up and said,

“That must be the door… I’ll get it!

A blonde buys two horses and can’t tell them apart.
So she asks the farmer next door what she should do.

He says to cut one of their tails off.

So she does.

But then the other horse’s tail gets caught in a bush and rips off.

So she can’t tell them apart again.

She asks the farmer for advice a second time.

He tells her to cut one of the horse’s ears.

So she does.

But then the other horse gets its ear ripped in a barbed wire fence.

She is still confused.

She asks the farmer what to do.

He tells her to measure them.

She comes back and says, “The white horse is 2 inches taller than the black horse!

A blonde walks by a travel agency.

A blonde walks past a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, “Cruise Special – $99!”

She walks in, puts her money on the counter, and says, “I’d like the $99 cruise special, please.”

The agent grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her to a large inner tube, then drags her out the back door and downhill to the river, where he pushes her in and sends her floating.

A second blonde walks by a few minutes later sees the sign, walks in, puts her money on the counter, and asks for the $99 special.

She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river.

Drifting into the stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde.

They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, “Do they serve refreshments on this cruise?”

The second blonde replies, ” They didn’t last year.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

A husband went to the police station to file a “missing person” report for his missing wife:

Husband: “I lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn’t come back yet.”

Inspector: “What is her height?”

Husband: “I never checked.”

Inspector: “Slim or healthy?”

Husband: “Not slim, she can be healthy.”

Inspector: “Colour of eyes.”

Husband: “Never noticed.”

Inspector: Colour of hair?”

Husband: “It changes according to season.”

Inspector: “What was she wearing?”

Husband: “Not sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.”

Inspector: “Was she driving?”

Husband: “Yes.”

Inspector: “Tell me the type and colour of the car?”

Husband: “A black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0-litre V6 engine generating 333 horsepower teamed with an eight-speed Tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode.

It has full LED headlights, which use light-emitting diodes for all light functions.

It has a very thin scratch on the front left door and then the husband started crying.”

Inspector: “Don’t worry sir, we will find your car!”

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica, “What part of the human body increases to ten times its normal size when excited?”

“That’s disgusting!” Jessica responds. “I don’t have to answer that question!”

So the teacher asks Jamie, who responds: “That’s easy… the pupil of the eye.”

“That’s correct, Jamie. Very good!” The teacher says.

Then turning to Jessica, she announces: “I have three things to say to you, young lady… First, you didn’t do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you’re in for a big disappointment!”

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman’s husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.

The little boy says, “Dark in here.” The man says, “Yes, it is.” Boy – “I have a baseball.” Man – “That’s nice.” Boy – “Want to buy it?” Man – “No, thanks.” Boy – “My dad’s outside.” Man – “OK, how much?” Boy – “$150” Man – “Sold.”

In the nextakes-a-lover-home-2.jpg few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy – “Dark in here.” Man – “Yes, it is.” Boy – “I have a Wilson infielder’s glove.” The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?” Boy – “$350” Man – “Highway robbery. Sold.

A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your gloves, let’s go outside and have a game of catch.”

The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my ball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them for?” The boy says, “$500” The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like that… that is way more than those two things cost.

I’m going to take you to church and make you confess your greed.” They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says, “Dark in here.” The priest says, “Don’t start that shit again, you’re in my closet now.”

2 elderly women meet up again for the first time at their 60th high school reunion.

They’re talking and catching each other up in their lives since leaving high school.

One tells the other she’s been married 4 times.

“4 times, you’ve had 4 husbands!”

“Yes. My 1st husband was a banker, my 2nd husband was an actor, after that was a rabbi, and my current husband is an undertaker.”

“That’s really weird you went for such a strange variety of men. Why did you marry them?”

“I had a purpose for that… 1 for the money 2 for the show 3 to get ready And 4 to go”

There was a little old lady who was very spiritual,

Who would step out on her porch every day, raise her arms to the sky and yell

“Praise the Lord!”

One day, an atheist bought the house next door to her, and he became very irritated with the spiritual lady.

So after a month or so of her yelling “Praise the Lord” from her porch,

The neighbour went outside on his porch and yelled back,

“There is no Lord!”

Yet, the little old lady continued.

One cold, wintery day, when the little old lady couldn’t get to the store due to snowfall, she went out on her porch, raised her hands up to the sky and said,

“Help me Lord, I have no more money, it’s cold, and I have no more food.”

The next morning, she went outside, and there were three bags of food on the porch, enough to last her a week.

“Praise the Lord! ” she yelled.

The atheist stepped out from the bushes and said,

“Haha! There is no Lord, I bought those groceries for you!”

The little old lady raised her arms to the sky and yelled,

“Praise the Lord, you sent me groceries and you made the Devil pay for them!”

An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,

“Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later the old man Abe turns to his wife and asks,

“Esther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,

“Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?”

“Oy, no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Visa and MasterCard this month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, Abie,” begged Esther.

“I didn’t send that one, either.”

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.

Esther pulls away and asks him,

“So, why did you kiss me?”

Abe answers,

“They’ll find us.”

Three Kids are arguing about who’s dad is the fastest.

At lunch the first boy says,

“My dad is the fastest because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits!”

“Not bad,” says the 2nd boy, “But my dad is faster.”

“He is a professional archer. When he shoots an arrow at the bulls-eye he can reach it before the arrow does!”

“That’s pretty fast,” says the 3rd boy, “But not as fast as my old man.”

“My dad works for the Government as a public servant, & when he finishes work at 5pm, he can get home by 2:30pm!

A man sat at a local bar and said:

“This is a special day, I’m celebrating.”

“What a coincidence”, said the woman next to him,

“I’m celebrating, too”, she said and clinked glasses with him.

“What are your celebrating?”, the woman asked.

“I’m a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile.”

“What a coincidence”, the woman said,

“For my husband and I have been trying to have a child.

Today, my gynaecologist told me I’m pregnant!

How did your chickens become fertile?”, she asked.

“I switched cocks”, he replied.

“What a coincidence”, she said.