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This Is Super Funny.

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus,she noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again:

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself……
The young man replied.

“Well your Honour, it was like this – When the lady got on the bus, I couldn’t help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said.

“The Double Mint Twins are coming” and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said.

“Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling” and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said.

“William’s Big Stick Did the Trick” and I could hardly contain myself.

But Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said.

“Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident” I just lost it.”

CASE DISMISSED!

A man and a woman are sleeping together

When suddenly there is a noise in the house, and the woman rolls over and says, “It’s my husband, you have to leave!”

The man jumps out of bed, jumps through the window, crawls through the bushes, and out on the street, when he realizes something.

He goes back to the house and says to the woman,
“Wait, I’m your husband!”

She replies giving him a dirty look,

“So why did you run?”

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

The husband was not home at his usual hour, and the wife was fuming, as the clock ticked later and later.

Finally, at about 3 A.M., she heard a noise at the front door, and as she stood at the top of the stairs, there was her husband, drunk as a skunk, trying to navigate the stairs.

“Do you realize what time it is?” she asked.

“Don’t get excited,” he slurred. “I’m late because I bought something for the house.”

Immediately, her attitude changed, and as she ran down the stairs to meet him halfway, she asked, “What did you buy for the house, dear?”

His answer was, “A round of drinks!”

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.

They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.

The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy:

The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.

He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.

He told his wife.

“There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied.

“Not this time!”

A newly married couple are in bed when the man asks his wife how many men she has slept with. After the question, the woman doesn’t respond.

The man asks again “Just tell me, it’s fine. How many men have you slept with?”

His wife, still in total silence, just stares at the ceiling.

The man says “I am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought we could trust each other…”

Still silence from his wife.

The man, giving up, says “It’s OK. Please don’t be upset.”

Since the woman is still silent, the man starts hugging and kissing her, showing his affection.

While he is doing this, his wife seems to come to her senses, stops looking at the ceiling, looks at him, and upset, tells her husband,

“Damn it! You made me lose count!”

they feel is interesting in their lives. If the men are married, however, one of the things that they are likely to talk about would include their wives. That was the case with these four men who went out fishing together and decided that they would discuss what was necessary in order for them to be out for the day.

Many of them were lamenting the fact that they would have to go through a ‘honey-do’ list but one man had a brilliant idea that probably had the rest of them feeling quite jealous. Four married guys went fishing. After an hour or so, the following conversation took place:

First guy: “You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife I will paint every room in the house next weekend.”

Second guy: “That’s nothing! I had to promise my wife I’d build her a new deck for the pool.”

Third guy: “Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I’ll remodel the kitchen for her.”

So they asked him. “You haven’t said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. What’s the deal?”

Fourth guy: “I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off the clock, gave the wife a nudge and said, “Fishing, or S*x,” and she said, “Wear a sweater

The teacher asked, Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated
The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class…

“Which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered until little Mary stood up and said, “You should not be asking sixth-graders a question like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. Then she said to those around her, “Boy, is she going to get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks said, “Very good, Billy,” then turned to Mary and continued. “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say:

One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework…

… And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92). We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him.

The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time. When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, ‘What’s the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?

man, never done anything wild in your life? Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response. “Got drunk once, and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.”

A teacher asks the class if they had any relatives that fought in the war.

Little Johnny puts his hand up. “my grandad was in the war and got a grenade shoved up his arse by a German miss”, The teacher replies, “Rectum Johnny, rectum” Johnny says… “Rectum miss?..

An 83 year old british gentleman arrived in Paris by plane. As he was fumbling in his bag for his passport a stern French lady asked if he had been to France before. He liked he had indeed been previously.

The lady said then you should know to have your passport out and waiting sir. The gentleman said i didn’t have to show it last time. Impossible! The woman said, you British have always had to show your passports to get through here! The man passports to get through here! The man responded by whispering, well, when i came ashore on the beach on D Day in 1944, i couldn’t find any  Frenchmen to show it to!… Wear your poppy with pride.

A woman was at her hairdresser’s getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded: ” Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty.. You’re crazy to go to Rome ..

So, how are you getting there? “We’re taking BA,” was the reply. “We got a great rate!” “BA?” exclaimed the hairdresser.. ” That’s a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they’re always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?” “We’ll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome ‘s Tiber River called Teste. “Don’t go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really a dump. “We’re going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope. “That’s rich,” laughed the hairdresser.

You and a million other people trying to see him. He’ll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You’re going to need it…” A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome “It was wonderful,” explained the woman, “not only were we on time in one of BA’s brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class.

The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot. And the hotel was great! They’d just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it’s a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner’s suite at no extra charge! “Well,” muttered the hairdresser, “that’s all well and good, but I bet you didn’t get to see the Pope. “Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me, “Oh, really! What’d he say ? ”He said: “Who the f did your hair?

A man and his wife were having an argument in bed. He finally jumped up and took a blanket to the couch. The next day the wife feeling bad about what happened decided to buy her husband a gift, and since he was an avid golfer she went to the pro shop where he usually played golf.

She talked with the pro and he suggested a putter and he showed her one of his finest. “How much is it?” she asked. “One hundred and fifty pounds,” he replied. She felt that was kind of expensive and told him so. “But it comes with an inscription,” he said.

“What kind of inscription?” she asked. “Whatever you wish,” he explained, “but one of the old golfers favourites is, ‘NEVER UP, NEVER IN. “Oh, that will never do!” exclaimed the wife. “That’s what started the argument in the first place!”