Author: news

An elderly gentleman goes for a check-up. After his exam the doctor said to the to the old fella, “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?”

“In fact, I do,” said the old man. “After I have love I am usually hot and sweaty, and then, after I have it with her the second time, I am usually cold and chilly.”

After examining the old man’s elderly wife, the doctor said, “Everything appears to be fine. Do you have any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?”

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns. But the doctor then said to her: “Your husband had an unusual concern. He claims that he is usually hot and sweaty after having love with you the first time, and then cold and chilly after the second time.Do you know why?”
“Oh that crazy old bastard, she replied. “That’s because the first time is usually in August, and the second time is in January…”.

It’s important to approach health-related topics, especially sensitive ones, with care and factual information. When discussing questions like “Is it healthy to swallow semen?” it’s crucial to consider scientific evidence and public health guidelines, avoiding unverified claims and focusing on reliable sources. Below is a general, fact-based overview of the topic, ensuring it remains educational and respectful:

Semen: Is It Healthy to Swallow?

Semen is a complex fluid that contains sperm and various other substances, including enzymes, proteins, and nutrients. The question of whether it’s healthy to swallow semen is one that is often discussed but can be surrounded by misconceptions. In this article, we’ll break down the scientific aspects, including health considerations, risks, and the role of consent and communication in intimate relationships.

Understanding Semen Composition

Semen, produced by the male reproductive system, is made up of sperm cells, which are responsible for fertilizing an egg, and seminal fluid, which nourishes and helps transport the sperm. The fluid also contains small amounts of proteins, enzymes, vitamins (such as vitamin C and B12), and minerals (like zinc and calcium). These components help facilitate the fertilization process and may also have an impact on bodily functions when ingested.

Health Considerations and Safety

When it comes to swallowing semen, there are several health-related factors to consider:

1. Nutritional Content: Semen contains trace amounts of proteins, sugars, and vitamins, but the quantity is so small that any nutritional benefit from swallowing semen is negligible. It doesn’t provide significant health benefits that would be noticed in everyday nutrition.

2. Hygiene and Infection Risks: The most important health consideration when discussing the ingestion of semen is the risk of sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If either partner has an STI, swallowing semen can transmit infections such as HIV, chlamydia, gonorrhea, and herpes. Safe sexual practices, such as using condoms, can reduce these risks. Regular STI testing is also recommended for sexually active individuals.

3. Allergic Reactions: While rare, some individuals may experience an allergic reaction to semen. This condition, known as human seminal plasma hypersensitivity, can cause symptoms such as itching, swelling, or discomfort. It’s important for individuals to communicate any allergies with their partners to ensure a safe and healthy sexual experience.

4. Digestive System: From a physiological standpoint, swallowing semen is generally safe, as it is broken down in the digestive system, just like any other substance. It doesn’t pose a significant risk to your health. However, it’s important to ensure that the person ejaculating is free from infections to avoid potential risks.

Psychological and Emotional Aspects

Beyond the physical considerations, it’s also important to address the psychological and emotional factors that may influence this decision in a relationship. Communication and consent are key. Couples should openly discuss their comfort levels, boundaries, and expectations regarding sexual activities, ensuring that both partners feel respected and comfortable.

• Consent: Any sexual act, including swallowing semen, should always be consensual. It’s essential for partners to communicate openly and respect each other’s boundaries.

• Emotional Impact: For some individuals, swallowing semen might be part of their sexual experience and can feel positive, while others may not feel comfortable doing so. It’s crucial that both partners engage in open dialogue about what feels right for them.

When to Seek Medical Advice

If you or your partner experience any unusual symptoms after engaging in oral sex or swallowing semen (such as irritation, digestive issues, or allergic reactions), it is important to seek medical advice. Additionally, if there are concerns about potential STIs, testing and consultations with a healthcare provider can help ensure both partners’ health and safety.

The Importance of Communication in Intimate Relationships

Regardless of personal preferences, communication remains at the heart of any healthy sexual relationship. Open and honest discussions about sexual health, boundaries, and preferences can strengthen the bond between partners and ensure mutual respect. Being well-informed about the potential risks and benefits of sexual activities also allows individuals to make empowered, educated decisions about their health and well-being.

Conclusion

Swallowing semen is a personal choice that depends on individual preferences, health considerations, and the nature of the relationship. From a medical standpoint, it is generally safe for individuals without allergies or underlying health conditions, but it’s important to be aware of the risks associated with STIs. Using protection during sexual activities and engaging in regular testing are essential for maintaining sexual health.

Always prioritize consent, communication, and mutual respect in any intimate relationship, ensuring that both partners feel safe and comfortable with their decisions.

Humor is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to connect with others, ease tension, and lighten the mood. Often, the best laughs come not from elaborate jokes, but from everyday moments shared with loved ones. This 1000-word article explores how a simple breakfast conversation between a husband and wife, when viewed through a humorous lens, can brighten a whole day. It reflects on the value of lightheartedness in relationships, the health benefits of humor, and the importance of family-friendly comedy.

The morning sun filters into the kitchen. The scent of freshly brewed coffee fills the air, and a familiar rhythm begins as a wife stands at the stove.

With a warm smile, she turns to her husband, seated at the table reading the morning news, and asks:

“Would you like some breakfast? I can make you bacon and eggs, maybe a slice of toast, or pour you some grapefruit juice and a hot cup of coffee.”

Her husband looks up from his paper, chuckles softly, and says, “Thanks for asking, but I’m not really hungry this morning.”

It’s a moment that echoes in households everywhere—a small act of care met with a gentle refusal. But the exchange doesn’t end there.

As the afternoon arrives and lunchtime nears, the wife checks in again.

“How about a bowl of soup? I made some fresh muffins this morning, or maybe a cheese sandwich?”

Her husband again smiles and says, “Still not feeling too hungry, but I really appreciate it.”

There’s nothing extraordinary about the scene. It’s the kind of interaction that happens every day in relationships, built on kindness, attentiveness, and simple habits. Yet it’s this very simplicity that lays the groundwork for the playful twist that follows.

By evening, the wife, ever patient and caring, tries one more time:

“Would you like a juicy ribeye steak? Maybe some stir-fry or apple pie for dessert?”

For the third time, her husband declines. “Still not hungry,” he says politely.

That’s when the moment of lighthearted truth surfaces.

With a playful sigh and a smile, the wife says:

“Well, if you don’t mind, I think I’m going to make myself a plate. I’m absolutely starving!”

What makes this exchange funny isn’t a punchline or wordplay—it’s the relatable absurdity of someone being surrounded by delicious offers all day yet refusing them, only to end with the unexpected but realistic exasperation of the wife.

This type of humor—based on timing, surprise, and everyday scenarios—is what psychologists call benign violation theory. It involves a situation that’s unexpected but not threatening. According to Dr. Peter McGraw, a leading humor researcher, these moments are where humor thrives.

In relationships, especially long-term partnerships, these types of gentle jokes strengthen emotional bonds. They reflect patience, understanding, and mutual respect.

According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter can:

• Relieve stress
• Soothe tension
• Boost the immune system
• Improve mood
• Reduce pain and anxiety

Incorporating humor into daily interactions not only nurtures emotional intimacy but also contributes to physical well-being. Laughter releases endorphins—the body’s natural feel-good chemicals—and improves circulation and muscle relaxation.

Harvard Health Publishing further emphasizes that humor can serve as a valuable coping mechanism in times of uncertainty or emotional fatigue. Couples who laugh together often report stronger connections and better communication.

In family life, humor can:

• Lighten difficult conversations
• Serve as a parenting tool
• Create lasting memories
• Reduce household tension

The example of the breakfast conversation demonstrates how even small interactions can contain humor and affection. The wife’s persistent care and the husband’s polite refusals, leading to a gentle expression of hunger, remind us that love is often expressed in the smallest exchanges.

Moreover, clean and inclusive humor allows everyone in the family—from children to grandparents—to participate. It encourages storytelling, sharing jokes at dinner, or simply appreciating the quirks of daily life.

In many cultures, humor is woven into the fabric of everyday life. From sitcoms and skits to literature and oral storytelling, laughter has always played a role in teaching lessons, breaking the ice, and celebrating human quirks.

The breakfast story can be viewed as a miniature version of these traditions—a moment that captures the essence of daily human interaction and the joy of togetherness.

In today’s digital world, where humor can often rely on shock value or edgy content, family-friendly stories like this offer an important alternative. They demonstrate that you don’t need inappropriate language, crude jokes, or offensive themes to make people laugh.

The story of a wife offering her husband breakfast, lunch, and dinner—and his repeated refusals—offers a simple yet effective example of the humor that lives within everyday relationships. It’s a reminder that laughter doesn’t have to be loud or outrageous; sometimes, it’s soft, familiar, and warm.

These are the moments that build stronger relationships, support emotional wellness, and remind us to find joy in our daily routines.

So next time you’re having breakfast with a loved one, or checking in on their appetite throughout the day, don’t underestimate the power of a lighthearted exchange—it might just be the laugh you both need.

• Mayo Clinic. “Stress relief from laughter? It’s no joke.” https://www.mayoclinic.org
• Harvard Health Publishing. “Laughter is the Best Medicine.” https://www.health.harvard.edu
• McGraw, P. A., & Warren, C. (2010). Benign Violation Theory. International Journal of Humor Research

Understanding human relationships and personal well-being often involves interpreting symbolic images and cultural beliefs. While not every symbol or belief is based on scientific research, they can reflect common social patterns or traditional perspectives. This article explores general observations about stages of marriage as depicted through symbolic imagery, as well as commonly associated colors in astrology that are popular in lifestyle and wellness discussions.

Symbolic Reflections of Relationship Stages

First Marriage: Emotional Intimacy and Idealism

The early stages of marriage are often driven by emotional connection and shared dreams. In symbolic depictions, couples in their first marriage are shown looking into each other’s eyes, reflecting deep emotional bonds. This phase typically emphasizes love, shared values, and hopes for a future together.

According to the American Psychological Association, newlyweds often report higher levels of happiness and emotional fulfillment, particularly in the first few years of marriage, when emotional intimacy and romantic idealism are strongest (APA).

Second Marriage: Practical Considerations and Stability

In symbolic portrayals of second marriages, the couple’s attention may shift from romance to practical matters, such as financial security. This reflects the reality that, for many individuals, remarriage occurs after life experiences such as divorce, raising children, or managing finances independently.

According to data from the Pew Research Center, financial stability and shared responsibilities become more significant factors in subsequent marriages (Pew Research). Remarried couples may prioritize compatibility in lifestyle and financial goals over romantic idealism.

Third Marriage: Companionship and Shared Life Experience

Imagery representing a third marriage often illustrates companionship rather than romantic or financial focus. In this phase, some individuals may seek a life partner for emotional support, shared routines, and mutual respect, especially in later stages of life.

The National Institute on Aging notes that companionship plays a vital role in emotional and psychological well-being among older adults, including those in long-term relationships or later-life partnerships (NIA).

Lucky Colors According to the Zodiac: Cultural Beliefs and Lifestyle Trends

In popular astrology—a system not scientifically validated but widely followed in many cultures—each zodiac sign is traditionally associated with specific colors believed to align with its traits. These associations are part of cultural traditions and are frequently used in fashion, interior design, and personal expression.

Note: The information below is based on traditional astrological systems and is for entertainment and general interest. It does not constitute scientific fact.

Aries (March 21 – April 19)

• Lucky Color: Red
• Symbolism: Energy, courage, and confidence
• Additional Colors: Scarlet, gold, and orange
  Aries is traditionally ruled by Mars, a symbol of action and vitality in astrology. Red is believed to enhance Aries’ boldness and leadership qualities.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20)

• Lucky Color: Green
• Symbolism: Prosperity and balance
• Additional Colors: Pink, earthy tones, light blue
  Taurus is connected to nature and comfort, with green representing renewal and stability.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

• Lucky Color: Yellow
• Symbolism: Communication and intellect
• Additional Colors: Light green, white, orange
  Yellow is thought to support Gemini’s vibrant and social nature.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22)

• Lucky Colors: Silver and white
• Symbolism: Intuition and emotional calm
• Additional Colors: Cream, light blue, pearl
  These hues are associated with the Moon in astrology, reflecting Cancer’s nurturing and empathetic qualities.

Leo (July 23 – August 22)

• Lucky Color: Gold
• Symbolism: Strength, success, and radiance
• Additional Colors: Orange, red, yellow
  Leo, associated with the Sun, shines with confidence and creativity, symbolized by gold.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

• Lucky Colors: Green and brown
• Symbolism: Groundedness and practicality
• Additional Colors: Beige, white, soft pastels
  Virgo is traditionally linked to clarity, service, and attention to detail, reflected in earth-tone shades.

Libra (September 23 – October 22)

• Lucky Colors: Pink and blue
• Symbolism: Harmony and fairness
• Additional Colors: Lavender, white, soft purple
  Ruled by Venus, Libra is associated with aesthetics, diplomacy, and peaceful relationships.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)

• Lucky Colors: Black and deep red
• Symbolism: Depth and transformation
• Additional Colors: Maroon, burgundy, dark purple
  Scorpio is often symbolized as intense and resilient, qualities reflected in these rich hues.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)

• Lucky Color: Purple
• Symbolism: Expansion and exploration
• Additional Colors: Royal blue, orange, red
  Sagittarius is connected to optimism and learning, and purple is seen as a color of wisdom.

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)

• Lucky Colors: Dark blue and grey
• Symbolism: Discipline and endurance
• Additional Colors: Black, brown, dark green
  Capricorn’s grounded ambition aligns with structured, neutral tones.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)

• Lucky Color: Blue
• Symbolism: Innovation and clarity
• Additional Colors: Turquoise, silver, violet
  Blue is seen as enhancing Aquarius’ independent and forward-thinking energy.

Pisces (February 19 – March 20)

• Lucky Colors: Sea green and light blue
• Symbolism: Imagination and emotional balance
• Additional Colors: Aqua, lavender, soft pink
  Pisces is often associated with empathy and artistry, symbolized by gentle, soothing shades.

Tips for Incorporating Lucky Colors in Daily Life

Even though zodiac-based color beliefs are not scientifically proven, many people enjoy using these colors to express themselves or create positive moods. Here are some non-harmful, culturally embraced ways to incorporate them:

• Clothing: Wear your associated color as a shirt, accessory, or scarf.
• Home Décor: Add color accents to your room, office, or creative space for inspiration.
• Digital Design: Use these colors in wallpapers, phone themes, or planners.
• Gemstones (for fashion or gifts): Some align with traditional zodiac associations (e.g., ruby for Aries, emerald for Taurus, sapphire for Aquarius).

Remember, using colors in meaningful ways—whether based on tradition, style, or mood—can support self-expression and creativity.

Final Thoughts

This exploration into the symbolism of relationships and zodiac colors combines cultural observation and personal development perspectives. While the psychological and emotional experiences within marriage are widely studied, zodiac colors fall under lifestyle and entertainment domains, appreciated for their aesthetic and inspirational value rather than scientific backing.

Whether you’re exploring relationship patterns or choosing colors that resonate with your personality, always prioritize evidence-based information when making important life decisions. Embrace what inspires you—but stay grounded in reality.

Sources

• American Psychological Association. www.apa.org
• Pew Research Center. www.pewresearch.org
• National Institute on Aging. www.nia.nih.gov
• Astrology.com (for general zodiac associations): www.astrology.com

Marriage is a beautiful journey full of ups and downs, and one of the best ways to navigate this shared adventure is through humor.

A little laughter can go a long way in strengthening bonds and creating lasting memories. To honor the lighter side of marriage, here’s a funny story to start things off:

A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. That evening, the wife wore the same elegant nightgown she had on their wedding night. Smiling, she asked, “Honey, do you remember this?”

The husband looked up and said, “Of course I do. You wore that the night we got married.” Encouraged, she continued, “Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

He nodded with a grin. “Yes, I said, ‘You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, and I’ll love you forever.’”

She smiled warmly and said, “And now, 50 years later, what do you have to say?” He held her hand and replied, “I still mean every word.”

The Importance of Humor in Marriage

Life brings its share of challenges, but a sense of humor can make even the toughest times easier to bear. Couples who laugh together often find their relationship growing stronger.

Humor reminds us to not take ourselves too seriously and to find joy in the quirks and imperfections that make life—and marriage—unique.

Here are some more lighthearted jokes and anecdotes about married life that showcase the beauty of shared laughter.

1. The Honey-Do List

A wife handed her husband a list of chores to do around the house. “This will keep you busy for the weekend,” she said.

He looked at the list and quipped, “Wow, I didn’t know I signed up for a part-time job when I got married!”

She replied with a laugh, “No, honey, it’s full-time—and the pay is love and gratitude.”

2. The Secret to a Happy Marriage

At their 60th wedding anniversary, a couple was asked the secret to their happy marriage. The husband replied, “We never go to bed angry. We stay up and talk until we’ve worked things out.” The wife chimed in with a smile, “And sometimes we just agree to disagree until breakfast!”

3. The Anniversary Surprise

A husband asked his wife, “What would you like for our anniversary this year?” She thought for a moment and said, “Surprise me with something thoughtful and romantic.”

The next morning, she found a heartfelt love note on the fridge that read, “Happy Anniversary! You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Now let’s order pizza tonight and celebrate!”

4. The Shopping Adventure

A husband was sent to the grocery store with a simple list: bread, milk, and eggs. When he returned, he had two loaves of bread, a gallon of milk, and a cake. His wife laughed and asked, “What happened to the eggs?” He shrugged. “They were right next to the cake, and it looked like a good idea at the time.”

5. The Communication Gap

A wife asked her husband, “If I were to ask you to do something important, would you listen carefully?” He nodded and said, “Of course, honey. What is it?” She smiled and replied, “I just want you to remember to take the trash out on Monday.” He laughed and said, “I’ll remember—but just to be safe, remind me Sunday night!”

Why Laughter Matters in Relationships

Shared laughter strengthens emotional bonds and helps couples weather the storms of life. It creates a positive atmosphere, builds trust, and fosters a sense of togetherness.

Whether it’s sharing a joke, reflecting on funny memories, or simply being playful, humor can be a cornerstone of a lasting relationship.

How to Keep the Humor Alive

• Embrace Playfulness: Don’t shy away from lighthearted teasing or silly moments.
• Celebrate Quirks: Find joy in the little things that make your relationship unique.
• Share Funny Stories: Laugh about past mishaps or memories that brought joy.
• Watch Comedy Together: A shared love for humor can deepen your connection.
• Laugh at Yourself: Don’t take everything too seriously. Being able to laugh at yourself shows humility and resilience.

Conclusion

Marriage is a partnership built on love, respect, and understanding, but laughter is what often makes the journey truly enjoyable. Sharing a sense of humor keeps the bond strong and reminds couples to cherish life’s lighter moments.

Whether it’s celebrating an anniversary with a funny memory or finding joy in daily quirks, laughter is the gift that keeps on giving. So, take a moment to smile, share a joke, and create memories that will last a lifetime.

Can.cer often starts quietly, but your body may show signs long before diagnosis. Many of these symptoms are easy to ignore or misinterpret. Here are some key early warnings.

Breathing & Chest Issues

“Persistent breathlessness could indicate lung can.cer.” If coughing causes chest pain that spreads to the shoulders or arms, it might be misread as bronchitis but could point to lung can.cer or leukemia.

Unusual Fatigue, Fevers, or Infections

Feeling extremely tired for no reason? “Persistent fatigue—especially when paired with other symptoms—can be linked to various types of can.cer.” Repeated fevers or infections may result from weakened immunity due to leukemia.

Digestive and Weight Changes

Unexplained weight loss, blood in stool, bloating, and cramps can all signal issues like colon, liver, or ovarian can.cer. “Visible blood may be a warning of colorectal can.cer and warrants immediate medical evaluation.”

Skin, Nail, and Facial Changes

Pay attention to sores, discoloration, or nail changes. “Darkened or pale nails may signal skin, lung, or liver can.cer.” Facial swelling may occur when tumors block blood flow.

Pain, Swelling & Reproductive Symptoms

Swollen lymph nodes, unexplained bruising, and persistent back or pelvic pain may be overlooked. “Heavy, painful, or irregular periods might point to uterine can.cer.” Breast pain or swelling may signal early breast can.cer.

Changes in Appetite & Menstrual Health

Sudden appetite loss or feeling full quickly can be a sign of ovarian can.cer. Inverted n!pples that weren’t always that way should also be checked.

When to Act

“One symptom alone doesn’t mean you have can.cer, but if signs persist, don’t wait.” Your body may be trying to alert you.

See a doctor for proper diagnosis. “They are warning signals that your body needs medical attention.”

Every day, we have to make decisions. Some of the decisions we make are large and some are small. In fact, it is thought that we make about 35,000 conscious decisions every day.

One of the decisions that we may have to make is in regard to choosing a seat on a bus. It might seem like a simple decision, but the ‘Bus Seat Dilemma’ is actually an ingenious psychological exercise.

By choosing your seat according to the image we have for you here, it can identify your personality traits. All you have to do is choose which of these selections works best for you, and then uncover the truth about your inner self below.

First of all, imagine that you are on a crowded bus and there is only one free seat. Four people need the seat and each person has a different circumstance. Your choice will reveal some facets of your personality and values that are very telling.

A: The Mother Holding a Baby

If your first instinct is to help the mother with the baby, it means you are empathetic and nurturing. More than likely, you tend to be friendly and compassionate, and people like being with you because you are approachable. You tend to be a warm and harmonious person and you pull in those who are also interested in a strong sense of community.

B: The Elderly Lady

If your first instinct is to give the seat to an elderly woman, you have a deep respect for traditional values. You tend to be a very structured and courteous individual and when you make decisions, you put a lot of thought into them before you act. You also respect the wisdom of others around you, but you act with caution when you make a choice.

C: Man on Crutches

If you opt for the man on crutches, then you are an adventurous individual that goes on instinct. You tend to be on hand when help is needed and you are the first on scene. When life throws a challenge in your way, you put your best foot forward and adapt as necessary. This makes you a natural-born leader and you tend to face new situations with courage.

D: The Sick Man (Zombie)

If you would help the sick man first, you tend to be someone interested in justice. You have a responsibility and a sense of duty that affects your actions but you don’t trust people easily. When someone has an urgent need you see it as a priority and you want to help. You are a reliable and fair person who values genuineness in others.

The ‘Bus Seat Dilemma’ is more than a simple exercise. Each of the decisions that could be made shows the instincts that you have on the inside. It allows your inner self and perspective to be seen more clearly.

Kindness is not always the easiest thing to show but it is an important part of who we are as people. Take the information that you learn from this simple exercise and make your life even better.

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

‘Hurry,’ she said, ‘stand in the corner.’

She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder.

‘Don’t move until I tell you,’ she said. ‘Pretend you’re a statue.’

‘What’s this?’ the husband inquired as he entered the room.

‘Oh, it’s a statue,’ she replied.

‘The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.’

No more was said, not even when they went to bed.

Around 2 AM the husband got up, went to the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a beer.

‘Here, have this’ he gives the sandwich and beer to the statue.

Then he said to the statue: ‘I stood like that for two days at the Smiths’ house and nobody offered me anything!!’

If you enjoyed this story, you should check out this one too, which I came across on another site a while ago.

A man and his wife check into a hotel.

A man and his wife check into a hotel.

The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed… just then, and elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more.

Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor.

Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager. The manager says he’ll be right up.

The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

“Look… lie here on the bed – you’ll be thrown right to the floor!”

So he lies down next to his wife.

Just then the husband walks in.

“What,” he says, “are you doing here?”

The manager calmly replies, “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”

LOL!!

Margaret was very upset as her husband Albert had just passed away.

She went to the undertaker’s to have one last look at her dearly departed husband. The instant she saw him she started crying. One of the undertakers strides up to provide comfort in this somber moment.

Through her tears she explains that she is upset because her dearest Albert was wearing a black suit, and it was his dying wish to be buried in a blue suit.

The undertaker apologizes and explains that traditionally, they always put the bodies in a black suit, but he’d see what he could arrange.

The next day she returned to the undertakers to have one last moment with Albert before his funeral the following day. When the undertaker pulls back the curtain, she managed to smile through her tears as Albert is resplendent in a smart blue suit.

She said to the undertaker “Wonderful, wonderful, but where did you get that beautiful blue suit?”

“Well, yesterday afternoon after you left, a man about your husband’s size was brought in & he was wearing a blue suit. His wife explained that she was very upset as he had always wanted to be buried in a black suit,” the undertaker replied.

The wife smiled at the man.

He continued, “After that, it was simply a matter of swapping the heads.”

A man went to the doctor and said that he hadn’t been feeling very well recently.

The doctor examined the man, and prescribed three kinds of pills.

The doctor said, “Take the green one with a big glass of water when you wake up. Take the blue one with a big glass of water after you eat lunch. Then just before bed, take the red one with another big glass of water.

The man, astounded that he had to take so much medicine, stammered, “Jeez Doc, exactly what is my problem?”

The doctor replied, “You aren’t drinking enough water.”

A dinner speaker was in such a hurry

to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table, he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, “I forgot my teeth.”

The man said, “No problem.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. “Try these,” he said.

The speaker tried them. “Too loose,” he said.

The man then said, “I have another pair – try these.”

The speaker tried them and responded, “Too tight.”

The man was not taken back at all. He then said, “I have one more pair. Try them.”

The speaker said, “They fit perfectly.” With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him.

“I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I’ve been looking for a good dentist.”

The man replied, “I’m not a dentist. I’m an undertaker.”

A woman had 8 children, all of them boys.

So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview. He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said, “Johnnie”.

“Right”, he said, “what about that blond one over there?”

“Johnnie”, she said.

“Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?”

“Johnnie”, she said.

“Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?”

“Johnnie”, she said.

“Are all your boys called Johnnie?” he asked, “Isn`t that terribly complicated?”

“Not at all”, she said, “it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Johnnie, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Johnnie, it`s time for bed!, they all go to bed.”

“I see. But what if you want only one of them?”

“No problem.” she answers. Then I call them by their surnames.”

An old mountaineer and his young ex-wife were fighting over custody of their children.

The mother protested that since she brought her kids into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The judge asked the old mountaineer for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the mountaineer rose from his chair and asked, “Judge, when I put a quarter in a candy machine and a candy bar comes out, does it belong to me or the machine?”

For two solid hours,

the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children.

She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren.

“Oh, I’ve dOne all the talking, and I’m so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me… what do you think of my grandchildren?”

A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco’s Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz.

Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally they reached the ticket window. “Five tickets, please,” the father said.

“Two round trip, three one way.”