Author: news

A 5-year-old girl went to visit her grandmother one day.

She played with her dolls as grandma dusted the furniture.

At one point, she looked up and asked, “Grandma, how come you don’t have a boyfriend?”

Grandma replied, “Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The TV evangelists keep me company and make me feel so good. Comedies make me laugh. I’m so happy with my TV as my boyfriend.”

Grandma turned on the TV, and the picture was horrible. She started adjusting the knobs trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the back of the TV, hoping to fix the problem.

The little girl heard the doorbell ring, so she hurried to open the front door. When she opened the door, there stood Grandma’s minister.

The minister said, “Hello, young lady. Is your grandma home?”

The little girl replied: “Yeah, she’s in the bedroom b.a.ngin’ her boyfriend.”

The minister fainted….

Have you ever wondered what the difference between Grandmothers and Grandfathers is?

Well here is the answer:

A friend, who worked away from home all week, always made a special effort with his family on the weekends.

Every Sunday morning he would take his 7—year old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for some bonding time, just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Sunday however, he had a bad cold and really didn’t feel like being up at all. Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their granddaughter out.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her Grandfather.

“Well, did you enjoy your ride with grandma?”

“Oh yes, Papa” the girl replied, “and do you know what? We didn’t see a single a——hole, stupid basta——, or dumb sh—— anywhere we went today!”

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly-behaved grandson.

He has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets, snacks, all sorts of things.

The grandad is saying in a controlled voice:“Easy, William, we won’t be long… easy boy.”

Another outburst and she hears the grandad calmly say “It’s okay William. Just a couple more minutes and we’ll be out of here. Hang in there, boy.”

At the checkout the little horror is throwing items out of the cart. Grandad says again in a controlled voice :“William, William, relax buddy, don’t get upset. We’ll be home in five minutes, stay cool William.”

Very impressed, she goes outside to where the grandfather is loading his groceries and the boy into the car.

She says : “It’s none of my business, but you were amazing in there. I don’t know how you did it. That whole time you kept your composure, and no matter how loud and disruptive he got, you just calmly kept saying things would be okay. William is very lucky to have you as his grandad.”

“Thanks,” says the grandpa. “But I am William. The little bugger’s name is Kevin!”

When Mrs. Parks asked her sixth-grade science class a seemingly simple question, no one could have predicted the hilarious misunderstanding that would unfold. What started as an innocent quiz about the human body quickly turned into a lesson Little Mary would never forget.

If you’ve ever seen someone embarrass themselves by jumping to the wrong conclusion, you’ll want to keep reading for a laugh-out-loud moment that will make you glad you weren’t in Mary’s shoes…

The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, “Can anyone tell me which human body part increases to ten times its size when stimulated?”

No one answered, so the teacher pointed at a student at random

Little Mary protests the dirty question

Little Mary stood up, crossed her arms and said, “You should not be asking sixth graders dirty questions like that! I’m going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, and then he’ll fire you!”

Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, “Let’s try that again. Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?”

Little Mary’s mouth fell open. She pointed at her teacher and yelled, “You’re gonna get in big trouble!”

The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, “Anybody?”

Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, “The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye.”

Mrs. Parks smiled and said, “Very good, Billy,”

She turned to Mary and continued, “As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: One, you have a dirty mind. Two, you didn’t read your homework. And three, one day you are going to be very, very disappointed.”

They hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, but at a lively reunion party, four old friends picked up right where they left off.

As the drinks flowed, the conversation turned to their children — successful, wealthy, and generous beyond belief. One by one, the proud fathers bragged about the lavish gifts their sons had given to their best friends.

But when the fourth friend shared his story, the room fell silent. What he revealed not only shocked his buddies but completely flipped the script on their conversation…

Here’s the joke:

Four friends, who hadn’t seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.

The first guy said, “My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he’s the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.”

The second guy said, “Darn, that’s terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, and then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He’s so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third man said: “Well, that’s terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.”

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: “What are all the congratulations for?”

One of the three said: “We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?”

The fourth man replied: “My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends said: “What a shame…what a disappointment.”

The fourth man replied: “No, I’m not ashamed. He’s my son and I love him. And he hasn’t done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends!”

Bonus joke:

When an old Grandpa walked by.

And one of the old Grandmas yelled out saying, “We BET we can tell exactly how old you are.”

The old man said, “There is no way you can guess it, you old fools.”

One of the old Grandmas said, “Sure we can!

Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age.”

Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn’t do it, he dropped his drawers.

The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times.

Then they all piped up and said, “You’re 87 years old!”

Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, “How in the world did you guess?”

Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily yelled in unison…

“We were at your birthday party yesterday!”

Don’t be shy — feel free to share these stories with everyone you know on Facebook so more people can have a good laugh!

Before Kate Middleton decided to open up about her health condition and disclosed her cancer diagnosis with the world, both she and the Palace found themselves in the middle of rumors and plenty of conspiracy theories, some more bizarre than others.

Besides that, the Princess of Wales decided to remain silent until she felt it was the right time to address the public and the media. Some claim that she chose the exact date and timing for releasing the video in which she spoke of her cancer because at that time her children’s school had already closed so they wouldn’t have to face comments and questions by their schoolmates right away.

Further, as much as Kate wanted to protect her children, she also wanted to protect her husband, Prince William.

Speaking to GB News, author Alexander Larman argued that the conspiracies surrounding Kate Middleton showed that the world is “obsessed with the health of the royal family,” and “look to them so set an example.”

Additionally, Larman said, “The trolls have carried on to this day. But one thing that’s very interesting is if you look at the difference between the responses. Buckingham Palace came forward very quickly and gave a fairly candid idea of what’s happening with Charles with his illness, and Kensington Palace didn’t.”

He continued: “I think that’s because Prince William is much more into the vein of never complain, never explain, which was his great grandfather’s motto, and has always served the Royal Family well.

“But it doesn’t hold up in 2024 because you’ve got to allow the idea the information is going to get out into the public, whether you like it or not.”

Since Kate shared her diagnosis, she and her family spent plenty of time at Anmer Hall at Sandringham, including the three weeks of school break the children had.

On April 23, Prince Louis celebrated his sixth birthday, and his parents shared an adorable photo of him for the happy occasion.

Throughout the years, it was Kate who usually took the photos of her children, but since the incident involving the Mother’s Day photo when she shared an image that she had previously edited, many believed she won’t be taking Louis’s photo this year, but the princess kept tradition alive.

“Happy 6th Birthday, Prince Louis! Thank you for all the kind wishes today,” the caption read.

Following Kate’s disclosure of her diagnosis, her family remained silent. Except for Queen Camilla’s brief mention of the princess some weeks ago during a royal engagement, there have been no further updates provided. However, royal commentator Richard Fitzwilliams suggests that William’s recent comments about his wife might be conveying a hidden message to the public.

Prince William made a public engagement on April 18 during which he helped out at a food distribution charity called Surplus to Supper. Volunteer Rachel Candappa handed the future king two get-well-soon cards addressed to his father and his wife.

Visibly moved, William told her, “Thank you, you are very kind.”

Since this was William’s first public appearance after Kate’s disclosure of her diagnosis, Richard Fitzwilliams believes the prince sends a “well-timed” hidden message: Things are on the way to normality again.

Fitzwilliams remarked that Prince William’s participation in the food distribution charity implies that both he and Kate Middleton are progressing toward resuming their royal duties.

“We know William is going back to royal duties shortly. The royal family obviously needs him. This was an important appearance, simply in the sense that it was what one would call normal. Obviously, with the royal family very little is actually normal at the moment. He is clearly looking after the children as far as feasible. I mean, it’s it’s a burden William has. It sent this message that things some things are going on, more or less as normal,” the royal author told The Sun.

“On the other hand, we know they’re not, and we know it’s a very difficult time,” he concluded.

“He and Catherine are attached to some 50 or so patronages – for example, mental health or homelessness, or the Earthshot prize. They know perfectly well there’s this tremendous cachet when either of them are attached to a particular institution or cause. Polls have made absolutely clear where the public support lies, and the fact that they are so highly regarded.”

As reported by Hello!, Kensington Palace has confirmed that William is set to engage in two public engagements that will see him leave Windsor for an overnight stay. And as this isn’t anything unusual, during these times for the royal family it may mean that things do start to change for the better.

Following a break to spend more time with his wife amidst her diagnosis, the Prince of Wales has resumed his public duties. The Times reports that he intends to ramp up his schedule of public appearances over the next two months, ahead of his children – Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis – going on summer break in July and August.

Despite his efforts to carry out the royal duties impeccably, his wife and children sometimes get upset with William. An occasion like that took place a few days ago when William visited the Isles of Scilly, the archipelago located off the southwestern tip of Cornwall, over which William became the Duke when Charles became king in September 2022.

As per Express, William said the trip had “upset” his wife and their three children, Prince George, Princess Charlotte, and Prince Louis.

He said they were “upset I’m here without them” as he praised the glorious weather.

“My family are very upset I’m here without them. The children will kill me if I don’t go home later,” William said.

William’s remark about his family was definitely amusing, but it probably has a deeper significance. Former BBC royal correspondent Jennie Bond suggests that his two-night absence indicates to the public that things are doing well.

“I’ve no doubt that Catherine’s parents will be staying with her, but even so it must be a step in the right direction. Hopefully Catherine is feeling stronger every day and, with the sun now shining, she’ll be able to enjoy the great outdoors which, for her, has always been restorative,” she told OK!.

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A little boy named Tommy went to church with his grandma every Sunday.

One day, Grandma told him it was time to make his first confession.

She explained, “You go into that little booth, tell the priest your sins, and he’ll forgive you.”

Tommy was nervous but agreed.

He walked into the confessional, sat down, and the priest slid open the little window.

“Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,” Tommy whispered.

The priest smiled kindly. “Go ahead, my son. What are your sins?”

Tommy took a deep breath. “Well… I stole a pencil from school… I said a bad word… and I lied to my mom.”

The priest nodded. “That’s not too bad. Anything else?”

Tommy thought hard. “Umm… oh yeah! I threw my sister’s Barbie out the window and told her she ran away.”

The priest chuckled. “Anything else?”

Tommy scratched his head. “Oh! And last night, I put toothpaste on Grandpa’s dentures while he was sleeping.”

The priest tried not to laugh. “Alright, my son. Say three Hail Marys and try to be a better boy.”

Tommy nodded, feeling proud.

When he walked out of the booth, Grandma smiled and asked, “How did it go?”

Tommy grinned wide.

“Piece of cake, Grandma… but I don’t think that guy behind the screen knows half the stuff I’ve done!”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!

A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas.

A little boy wanted a bicycle for Christmas.

His mother said she didn’t have enough money to buy him a new bike but suggested that if he wrote to Jesus promising to be a good boy in the future, then maybe Jesus might be willing to get him one.

So the boy started writing out a letter. ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for one year…’

He crossed it out and wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for one month.’

Still, he wasn’t happy, so he crossed it out and wrote: ‘Dear Jesus, I promise to be good for one week.’

His head spun, he tore up the paper, and went for a walk.

As he passed the local church, he noticed a nativity scene.

When nobody was looking, he grabbed the figure of Mary, hid it under his coat, and ran home.

There he composed a new letter. ‘Dear Jesus, if you ever want to see your mother again…’

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

A little boy was attending his first wedding.

After the service, his cousin asked him, “How many women can a man marry?”

“Sixteen,” the boy responded. His cousin was amazed that he had an answer so quickly.

“How do you know that?” “Easy,” the little boy said.

“All you have to do is add it up like the Bishop said: 4 better, 4 worse, 4 richer, 4 poorer.”

Three men are outside Heaven’s gates waiting to be go to through Heaven.

The angel at the gate tells them, “Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner, your way across the bridge to Heaven will be decided.”

The first guy says, “I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated thrice.”

The angel gives him an old model pick-up.

The second guy says, “11 years and only once.”

The angel grants him a Mercedes.

The last man says, “20 years and not once, we loved each other with all our hearts.”

The angel is duly impressed, and bestows upon him a gold edition Lamborghini.

The man soon passes the other two men.

Hours later the two men catch up to him at a diner. He’s sitting alone at a table sobbing and muttering to himself.

One of the men approaches him and says, “I know we are dead but it could be much worse. Don’t be upset!”

The guy looks up and says “Don’t be upset?!, 30 minutes ago I passed my wife, and she was riding a skateboard!”

A woman had a problem with her closet door—it fell every time a bus passed, so she called a repair man.

The repairman comes and sees that indeed, the door falls out whenever a bus passes by.

“OK, I’m going to see what’s going on. Just close the door behind me,” he says as he steps into the closet.

At that time the husband comes home from work, opens the closet, and finds the repairman.

Husband: “What the hell are you doing here!”

Repairman: “Well, you are not going to believe it, but I am waiting for a bus!”

A wife was with her lover when she heard her husband’s key in the door.

“Stay where you are,” she told the panicked lover. “He’s so drunk he won’t even notice you’re with me.”

Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a few minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking out at the end of the bed.

He turned to his wife: “Hey, there are six feet in this bed. There should only be four. What’s going on?!?”

“Nonsense,” said the wife. “You’re so drunk you miscounted. Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over there.”

The husband climbed out of bed and counted. “One, two, three, four. Oh ok, you were right.”

A little old lady tried to phone her local bank but was sent to the bank call center instead.

“Is that the High Street branch?” she asked.

“No, madam,” replied the voice at the other end.

“It is now company policy to deal with telephone calls centrally.”

“Well, I need to speak to the branch,” said the old lady.

“Madam, if you just let me know your query, I’m sure I can help you.”

“I don’t think you can, young man

I need to speak to the branch.”

The call center operator was adamant.

“There’s nothing that the branch can help you with that can’t be dealt with by me.”

“Very well then,” sighed the old lady.

“Can you just check on the counter? Did I leave my gloves behind when I came in this morning?”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

An irate old lady called the newspaper office

An irate old lady called the newspaper office loudly demanding to know where her Sunday paper was.

“Madam,” said the newspaper employee, “Today is Saturday. The Sunday edition is not delivered until tomorrow, Sunday.”

There was a long pause on the other end of the line.

Then she was heard to mutter, “Well, darn, that explains why no one was at church this morning.”

An old lady in a parking space.

An old lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes drove around her and parked in the space she was waiting for.

The little old lady was so upset that she approached the man and said, “I was going to park there!”

The man was a smart alec and said, “That’s what you can do when you’re young and bright.”

“Well, this upset the lady, even more, So she got in her car and backed it up, then stomped on the gas and plowed straight into his Mercedes.

The young man ran back to his car and asked, “What did you do that for?”

The little old lady smiled and told him, “That’s what you can do when you’re old and rich!”

A young man approaches a fisherman standing in the river.

He waves to the fisherman and says, “Wow, you’ve got a great pole there!”

The fisherman smiles, gives a slight nod, and says, “Thank you!”

“And man, that’s one of the coolest tackles I’ve ever seen!”

The fisherman smiles and nods proudly: “Thank you!”

“Some high-quality bait, too.”

“Thanks again!” says the fisherman with a big smile.

The young man peers down into the river, curious.

“You know,” He says. “The fish don’t come through here this time of year.”

“Yeah,I know.” Shrugged the fisherman.

“Then what are you fishing for?”

“Compliments.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

Little Johnny was caught fishing by a game warden

A boy named Little Johnny with a bucket full of live fish was approached by a game warden.

The game warden asked the boy, “May I see your fishing license, please?”

“No, sir,” the boy replied.

“I don’t need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish.”

“Pet fish?!”

“Yes. Once a week, I bring these here fish o’mine down to the lake and let ’em swim ’round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net, and I take ’em home.”

“What a line of baloney… you’re under arrest.”

Little Johnny said, “It’s the truth. I’ll show you! We do this all the time!”

“WE do, now, do WE?” smirked the warden.

“PROVE it!”

Little Johnny released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.

After a few minutes, the warden said, “Well?”

“Well, WHUT?” said Little Johnny.

The warden asked, “When are you going to call ’em back?”

“Call who back?”

“The FISH,” replied the warden!

“Whut fish?” asked Little Johnny.

LOL!!

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.

She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: “Excuse me Father, could I ask a favor?”

“Of course my child, What can I do for you?”

“Here is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?”

“Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie.”

“You have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions”, and she gave him the ‘hair remover’.

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son”, he replied.

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, “And from the sash down, what do you have?”

The priest replied, “I have there a marvelous little instrument designed for use by women, but which has never been used.”

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, “Go ahead Father. Next!”

Little Johnny was going to his fathers house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.

He was walking with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing “This damn thing is so heavy.”

A priest heard him and came out. “You shouldn’t be swearing” said the priest. “God hears you…He is everywhere…He’s in the chruch…He’s on the sidewalk…He’s everywhere.”

Then Little Johnny says: “Oh is he in my Wagon?”

The priest replies: “Yes Johnny, God is in your Wagon.”

Little Johnny says: “Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling.”

A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and sat beside me.

After some moments I dared to ask her: “Excuse me lady do you mind me asking you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife.”

The lady responded: “It is Chanel and from Paris.”

About ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.

Some seconds later she broke and said: “Offf…what is this smell, my God”?

I said: “Garlic and I am from Gilroy, California.”

Walking through Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners.

He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, “Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry.”

“Hans Olaffsen?”, he muses. “How the heck does that fit in here?” So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter.

The tourist asks, “How did this place get a name like ‘Hans Olaffsen’s Laundry?’”

The old man answers, “Is name of owner.”

The tourist asks, “Well, who and where is the owner?”

“Me, is right here,” replies the old man.

“You? How did you ever get a name like Hans Olaffsen?”

“Is simple,” says the old man. “Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front was big blonde Swede. Lady look at him and go, ‘What your name?’

He say, ‘Hans Olaffsen.’

Then she look at me and go, ‘What your name?’

I say, ‘Sem Ting.’”

Upon entering the little country store,

the stranger noticed a sign saying “DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!” posted on the glass door. Inside he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register.

He asked the store manager, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?”

“Yep, that’s him,” he replied.

The stranger couldn’t help but be amused. “That certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?”

“Because,” the owner replied, “before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.”

“What happened?” asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed.

“Well, I went down to Margate at the weekend and decided to take a ride on the roller coaster. As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn’t make it out.

“I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn’t see what the sign said.

“By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view.”

“And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?” asked the visitor.

“Yes.”

“What did it say?”

“Don’t stand up in the car!”

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science.

She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron.

Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?”

A little boy on the front row proudly said, “You’re a mother!”