Author: news

In the day when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10 year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table.

A waitress put a glass of water in front of him.

“How much is an ice cream sundae?” he asked.

“Fifty cents,” replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. “Well, how much is a plain dish of ice ream?” he inquired.

By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient. “Thirty-five cents,” she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. “I will have the plain ice cream”, he said.

Waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away.

The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left.

When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table. There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies – you see, he couldn t have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

(I’m standing in a fairly short queue when a businessman walks in, pushes straight to the front and starts dictating his order to the 20-something year old cashier.)

Cashier: “I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the queue, sir.”

Business man: “I have an important meeting shortly. You must serve me now!”

Cashier: “Yeah, the longer you stand there, the later you’re going to be. Back of the queue.”

Business man: “Do you have any idea who I am?”

Cashier:”Nope. Now shut up and go to the back of the queue.”

Business man: “How dare you talk to me like that?! Get me your manager now!”

(The cashier sighs heavily, walks into the back, comes out with an older woman in tow and nods her towards the businessman, then disappears back into the back.)

Manager:”What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Business man:”That boy was incredibly rude to me! I demand you fire him immediately!”

Manager: “I’m afraid I don’t have the authority to do that, but if you want I can get the owner for you.

Business man:”Bah! Fine, but I expect to be compensated for having to go through all of this trouble!”

Manager: “I’m sure you can discuss that with him, Sir.

(She then walks into the back, then comes out again with the now grinning cashier.)

Cashier: “Yo.”

Business man:”What’s the meaning of this? I said I wanted to talk to the owner!”

Cashier: “Like I said, yo.”

(The businessman silently gapes for a few seconds, then walks out stammering threats about having his head and closing the shop down.)

Manager: “Why do you always have to involve me?”

Cashier: “I just love the look on their stupid little faces when they find out I own this joint.”

(The manager rolls her eyes and walks into back.)

Cashier: ”I love this job. What can I get you?

An old woman is riding in an elevator in a very lavish New York City Building. 

When a young and beautiful woman walks into the elevator, smelling of expensive perfume.

She turns to the old woman and says arrogantly: “Ralph Lauren’s “Romance”, $150 an ounce! ”

Then another young and beautiful woman gets on the elevator and also looks very arrogantly turning to the old woman who says: “Chanel No. 5, $200 an ounce!”

About three floors later, the old woman has reached her destination and is about to get off the elevator.

Before leaving, she looks the two beautiful women in the eye, then bends over, farts, and says: “Broccoli. 49 cents a pound!”

LOL!!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

An Old Woman Received A Friend Request.

Yesterday I received a friend request from an attractive young man, about 19-20 years old.

I was curious. I wanted to know why someone so young would want to be my FB friend.

So I accepted it. Then he started sending me private messages.
He called me beautiful. He asked my age.

I’m not a liar so I told him and reminded him that I’m quite a bit his senior.

And I let him talk a bit cuz (truth be told) flattery ain’t all bad. We kept chatting for a while and within a short time, he asked if we could talk about ‘adult things’.

I said okay.

Then he said, “Thank you, baby, you start.”

So I did! I told him adult things like I have arthritis and my knees and how it hurts badly.

My back acts up when it is cold outside.

I explained that I have crazy insomnia. And I didn’t forget to tell him that I have a pacemaker.

And of course, I told him about the laxatives. I can’t forget that.

I also did not forget to tell him that I have good-quality dentures.

I was as honest as I could be about ‘ADULT THINGS’ but I don’t understand why he blocked me!

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

Arthur is 75 years old. He has played golf every day since retiring 15 years ago.

One day he arrives home looking downcast.

“That’s it,” he tells his wife.

“I’m giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that I couldn’t see where it went once I hit the ball.”

His wife sympathizes and makes him a cup of tea.

As they sit down, she says, “Why don’t you take my brother with you and give it one more try.”

“That’s no good,” sighs Arthur, “your brother is 85. He can’t help.”

“He may be 85,” says the wife, “but his eyesight is perfect.”

So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law.

He tees up, takes a mighty swing, and squints down the fairway.

He turns to the brother-in-law and says, “Did you see the ball?”

“Of course I did!” Answers the brother-in-law.

“I have perfect eyesight.”

“Where did it go?” Arthur asks.

“I don’t remember.”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop

A blonde golfer goes into the pro shop and looks around frowning.

Finally, the pro asks her what she wants. “I can’t find any green golf balls,” the blonde golfer complains.

The pro looks all over the shop, and through all the catalogs, and finally calls the manufacturers and determines that sure enough, there are no green golf balls.

As the blonde golfer walks out the door in disgust, the pro asks her, “Before you go, could you tell me why you want green golf balls?”

“Well obviously, because they would be so much easier to find in the sand traps!”

LOL!!

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water, and make her gasp for air.

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.

He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural.

She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.

Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.

Sometime later she heard her husband wake with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!

After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood-stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.”

“What do you mean?” asked his wife.

“Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in……………….…..”

Husband ask wife how many men she had been with

A newly married couple is lying in bed and the husband curiously asks his wife how many men she has been with.

Despite his question, the woman remains silent and looks at the ceiling.

Pressing the matter, the husband asks again, assuring her, “Just share it with me, it’s okay. How many men have you been with?”

Still met with silence, the wife’s eyes remain fixed above.

Realizing that his words may have caused discomfort, the husband apologizes: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just thought we could have an open and trusting relationship…”

However, his wife remains silent.

Feeling a sense of defeat, the husband concedes, saying, “That’s alright, please don’t be upset.”

Despite his attempts to comfort her, the woman does not respond.

The husband determined to bridge the gap, begins to hold her closely, showering her with hugs and kisses as a display of his affection.

In this moment of intimacy, the wife appears to snap out of her silence.

She redirects her gaze from the ceiling to her husband, her expression now one of frustration.

With a hint of exasperation, she blurts out, “Oh, come on! You’ve made me lose count!”

Whether you like him or not, the truth is that Donald Trump, the business mogul-turned-president, has changed American politics.

However, it isn’t just him who has been under the spotlight because of his position of a leader of the country, but his family too. During the campaign preceding his first presidency, the public could see all of his children supporting him publicly and being heavily involved in his candidacy efforts. This time, it wasn’t any different, although some of his children, including Ivanka, didn’t have an active role in the campaign.

Now that his youngest son, Barron Trump, isn’t a child any longer, many believe that his father is trying to push him into politics.

This is also something the MAGA supporters are hoping for.

The question that arises is, however, if that’s what the young Trump really wants.

During his father’s inauguration, Barron was spotted shaking hands with Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, and many agreed that he’s a well-behaved young man who seemed to be enjoying the presence of all the politicians and influential figures.

If he choses to follow into his father’s footsteps, he will certainly not be the only son of a president who has embarked on a journey in politics.

However, putting pressure on young Barron Trump to become a politician would only add to the expectations people have of him – If he does enter politics but doesn’t become president, he might still be seen as less successful than his father, or even a failure in some people’s eyes.

Barron has just started attending university.

He’s pursuing business at the Stern Business School at New York University.

Being the son of a famous name in the world of business and politics, Barron has lived in the shadow of his father, just like his siblings, so whether or not he chooses a career in politics should remain his personal choice.

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A rich man buys a new Lamborghini.

It’s the most expensive car in the world, and he wants to show it off, so he takes it out for a spin.

At the first stoplight, an ancient Moped pulls up next to him. The elderly cyclist stares at the sleek, shiny surface of the automobile and asks, “What kinda wheels ya got there, sonny?” The man replies, “It’s a Lamborghini. They go for about a million and a half.”

The old guy is shocked: “That’s a lot of moolah. Why do they cost so much?”

The cool man says proudly, “Because these babies can do 320 miles an hour!”

The gent on the Moped asks, “Can I take a look inside?”

“Sure,” responds the owner. So the old man pokes his head in the window, and peers around.

Leaning back on his Moped, the old guy says, “That’s a pretty nice car!”

Just then, the red light turns green, so the man decides to floor it. In no time, the speedometer reads 320. Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear-view mirror, which seems to be getting closer. He slows down to see what it might be, and whoooooosh! Something whips by him, at an incredible velocity.

The guy is astonished “What on earth could be faster than my car?!” Then, ahead of him, he sees the same dot, coming back. Whoooooosh! It goes by again, heading in the opposite direction. It almost looks like the old man on the Moped.

“Couldn’t be,” he mumbles to himself. “How could a Moped outrun my Lamborghini?!” Again, the blasted dot appears in his mirror. Whoooooosh! Ka-boooom! It plows into the back of his car, demolishing the rear end. The guy jumps out, and it IS the old fellow!

Of course, the Moped and its driver are hurtin’ bad, so he kneels down by him and says, “You’re seriously injured – is there anything I can do for you?”

The old guy moans, “Yes… unhook my suspenders from your side mirror.”

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife as she admired herself in the mirror.

With her birthday just around the corner, he asked what she’d like as a gift.

“I’d like to be eight again,” she replied, still gazing at her reflection.

On the morning of her birthday, he got up early, made her a big bowl of Coco Pops, and whisked her off to Adventure World theme park. What a day it was! He took her on every ride—the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster—everything!

Five hours later, they stumbled out of the park, her head spinning and stomach churning. Next, he treated her to McDonald’s, ordering a Happy Meal with extra fries and a chocolate shake. To top it off, they went to the movies, complete with popcorn, soda, and her favorite candy, M&M’s.

Finally, they made it home, and she collapsed into bed, utterly exhausted. With a big smile, her husband leaned over and asked, “Well, dear, what was it like being eight again?”

Her eyes opened slowly, and her expression changed. “I meant my dress size, you idiot!”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!

A married couple was driving from Key West to Boston.

A married couple was driving from Key West to Boston.

They stopped for a rest after traveling for nearly twenty-four hours because they were too exhausted to go on.

They made a stop at a pleasant hotel, checked into a room, and only intended to stay there for four hours before continuing on their journey.

Four hours later, when they checked out, the desk clerk gave them a $350 bill.

The man erupts, demanding to know why the fee is so excessive.

It’s a nice hotel, he tells the clerk, but the rooms are not worth $350.

The man demands to speak with the manager after the clerk informs him that $350 is the standard rate.

The manager shows up, pays attention to what the man has to say, and then informs him that the husband and wife are welcome to use the hotel’s enormous conference center and Olympic-sized pool.

“But we didn’t use them,” the man complains. “Well, they are here, and you could have,” explains the manager.

He goes on to explain they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous.

“The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood, and Las Vegas perform here,” the manager says.

“But we didn’t go to any of those shows,” complains the man again.

“Well, we have them, and you could have,” the manager replies.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, “But we didn’t use it!”

The manager is unmoved, and eventually, the man gives up and agrees to pay.

He writes a check and gives it to the manager.

The manager is surprised when he looks at the check.

“But sir,” he says, “this check is only made out for $100.”

“That’s right,” says the man. “I charged you $250 for s.leeping with my wife.”

“But I didn’t!” exclaims the manager.

“Well,” the man replies, “she was here, and you could have.”

By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken.

“You’ve got to have a room somewhere,” he pleaded. “Or just a bed, I don’t care where.”

“Well, I do have a double room with one occupant, a Navy guy,” admitted the manager, “and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I’m not sure it’d be worth it to you.”

“No problem,” the tired Marine assured him. “I’ll take it.”

The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

“How’d you sleep?” Asked the manager.

“Never better.”

The manager was impressed. “No problem with the other guy snoring, then?”

“Nope, I shut him up in no time,” said the Marine.

“How’d you manage that?” asked the manager.

“He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room,” the Marine explained. “I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, ‘Goodnight, beautiful,’ and he sat up all night watching me.”

A man and his wife check into a hotel.

The husband wants to have a drink at the bar, but his wife is extremely tired so she decides to go on up to their room to rest.

She lies down on the bed when, suddenly, an elevated train passes by very close to the window and shakes the room so hard she’s thrown out of the bed.

Thinking this must be a freak occurrence, she lies down once more. Again a train shakes the room so violently, she’s pitched to the floor. Exasperated, she calls the front desk and asks for the manager.

The manager says he’ll be right up. The manager is skeptical but the wife insists the story is true.

“Look, lie here on the bed and you’ll be thrown right to the floor!” she tells him, So he lies down next to the wife.

Just then the husband walks in. “What,” he says, “what are you doing here?!”

The manager calmly replies: “Would you believe I’m waiting for a train?”

A young couple got married and went away on their honeymoon.

After two weeks, they came back and finally opened all the presents they had received from friends and family. Since this was a new house, the process took some time.

A week later, they received in the mail two tickets for a very popular show. They were very excited and warmed by the gesture of the host. Inside the envelope, however, was only a small piece of paper with a single line, “Guess who sent them?”

The pair had much fun trying to identify the donor, but failed in the effort. They went to the theatre, and had a wonderful time. On their return home late at night, still trying to guess the identity of the unknown host, they found the house stripped of every article of value.

And on the bare table in the dining room was a piece of paper on which was written in the same hand as the enclosure with the tickets: “Now you know!”

A guy driving a Yugo pulls up at a stoplight next to a Rolls-Royce.

The driver of the Yugo rolls down his window and shouts to the driver of the Rolls, “Hey, buddy, that’s a nice car. You got a phone in your Rolls? I’ve got one in my Yugo!”

The driver of Rolls looks over and says simply, “Yes I have a phone.”

The driver of the Yugo says, “Cool! Hey, you got a fridge in there too? I’ve got a fridge in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, looking annoyed, says, “Yes, I have a refrigerator.”

The driver of the Yugo says, “That’s great, man! Hey, you got a TV in there, too? You know, I got a TV in the back seat of my Yugo!”

The driver of the Rolls, looking very annoyed by now, says, “Of course I have a television. A Rolls-Royce is the finest luxury car in the world!”

The driver of the Yugo says, “Very cool car! Hey, you got a bed in there, too? I got a bed in the back of my Yugo!”

Upset that he did not have a bed, the driver of the Rolls-Royce sped away, and went straight to the dealer, where he promptly ordered that a bed be installed in the back of the Rolls. The next morning, the driver of the Rolls picked up the car. The bed looked superb, complete with silk sheets and brass trim. It was clearly a bed fit for a Rolls Royce.

So the driver of the Rolls begins searching for the Yugo, and he drove all day. Finally, late at night, he finds the Yugo parked, with all the windows fogged up from the inside. The driver of the Rolls got out and knocked on the Yugo. When there wasn’t any answer, he knocked and knocked, and eventually the owner stuck his head out, soaking wet.

“I now have a bed in the back of my Rolls-Royce,” the driver of the Rolls stated arrogantly.

The driver of the Yugo looked at him and said, “You got me out of the shower for that?!”

A blond had just totaled her car in a horrific accident.

Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived.

“My God!” the trooper gasped. “Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma’am?”

“Yes, officer, I’m just fine.” the blond chirped.

“Well, how in the world did this happen?” the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car.

“Officer, it was the strangest thing!” the blond began.

“I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere

this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree

I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree

I served to the right and there was another tree I swerved to the left and there was…”

“Uh, ma’am?”, the officer said, cutting her off, “There isn’t a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth.”

A general visits an army hospital to check on the conditions and inspire the troops.

Its WWIII, trench warfare is living hell, and the men could really use some inspiration. The general starts talking to the wounded soldiers.

He goes up to the first man and says: “What brings you in here son?”

The soldier replies: “sir, I got dysentery in the trenches, something awful.”

The general asks him: “How are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my behind with a soft brush.”

The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can.” The general seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.

The general approaches the second man’s bed and asks: “What brings you in here son?”

The soldier replies somewhat embarrassed: “Sir, I got gonorrhoea from a woman while I was on leave.”

The general laughs and says: “It happens to the best of us son, how are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my privates with a soft brush.”

The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “No sir, the nurses are doing the best they can.” The general once again seems satisfied, thanks him for his service and moves on to the next man.

The general approaches the third man’s bed and asks: “What brings you in here son?”

The soldier tells him: “sir, I got strep throat in the trenches.”

The general asks: “How are they caring for you in here?” and the soldier replies: “Well sir, every day the nurses put a cool cloth on my head and they clean my throat with a soft brush.”

The general asks: “Is there anything else we can do for you?” and the soldier says: “Actually sir, there is one thing… I’d like to be the first one to use the brush.”