Author: news

A blonde woman was driving about two hours outside of San Diego when she noticed a man waving her down on the side of the road.

His truck had broken down, and as she pulled over, he approached her car.

“Are you heading to San Diego?” he asked.

“Sure am!” she replied. “Do you need a ride?”

“Not for me,” the man said. “I’ll be here fixing my truck for a while. But I have two chimpanzees in the back, and they need to get to the San Diego Zoo. They’re already stressed, and I don’t want them stuck on the road all day. Would you mind taking them for me? I’ll even give you $200 for the trouble.”

“Of course!” the blonde said cheerfully.

The man helped secure the two chimpanzees in her back seat, made sure they were comfortable and sent them on their way.

Several hours later, as he finally made it into San Diego, the truck driver was stunned by what he saw—there was the blonde, walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, while a crowd gathered around, laughing and snapping pictures.

Slamming on his brakes, he jumped out of his truck and ran up to her.

“What on earth are you doing?” he exclaimed. “I gave you $200 to take them to the zoo!”

“I did take them to the zoo,” she said with a smile. “But we had some money left over, so now we’re headed to SeaWorld!”

Sharon Osbourne, a cherished and iconic figure for many decades, recently encountered a medical emergency while filming a TV show in California.

This incident took place at the Glen Tavern Inn, a renowned location with supernatural connections. Given her ongoing health struggles and her husband Ozzy Osbourne’s battle with Parkinson’s disease, fans were understandably concerned.

Sharon’s strength and resilience have always been admirable. She has been candid and open about her experiences, which has endeared her to countless fans.

In an ITV documentary, Sharon expressed her deep sadness for Ozzy, stating, “When I see my husband, my heart breaks. It’s incredibly tough for him, and it weighs heavily on me too.”

Amidst these challenging times, we can only wish for Sharon’s swift recovery and continued strength for her family as they navigate these health trials together.

Sharon remains an inspiration to us all, showing us that even in the darkest moments, the power of love and resilience can shine through.

Two men are walking across a field, when they come across a very large hole in the ground

So large that they can’t see the bottom of this hole

“I wonder how deep it is.”, the first man says.

The second man pulls out a coin, and flips it into hole

They wait and listen…

… 30 seconds pass and still not a sound.

“Wow!”, they both exclaim

“Let’s try something else.”, says one man to the other.

They spot a large rock nearby, and with a struggle, they get the rock to the hole. They roll it in, wait and listen… still nothing.

“My goodness! How deep this hole must be!”, says one man

“Let’s try that huge log over there.”, says the other.

Again, with a struggle, they haul this huge log to the hole, and roll it in.

As they wait and listen, and seemingly out of nowhere, a goat runs up and jumps in the hole.

As they both look at each other in shock, they hear a tractor coming across the field.

Shortly after, a farmer arrives, and asks, “Either of you boys seen my goat?”.

“Yeah!”, they both exclaim

“One just came by and jumped in this hole!” The farmer sits back and tells them…

… “No, no

Couldn’t have been my goat

My goat was chained to a huge log.”

A guy walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “See that glass at the end of the bar? I bet you $100 I can pee in it from here.”

The bartender laughs and says, “You’re on!”

The guy steps back and starts peeing… but completely misses the glass. He’s spraying everywhere—on the bar, on the floor, even on the bartender himself!

The bartender bursts out laughing. “Ha! You owe me $100!”

The guy shrugs, walks over to a guy at the pool table, they laugh, and some cash exchanges hands.

When he comes back, he hands the bartender $100.

Curious, the bartender asks, “What was that about?”

The guy grins, “Oh, I just bet that dude $1000 that I could pee all over your bar, even on you, and you’d still be smiling when I was done.”

😂😂 Absolute legend!

Tommy got kicked out of class today.

The teacher asked him:

“If I gave you £20 and you paid £5 to Jane, £5 to Clair & £5 to Katie, what would you have?”

Apparently… Three blow jobs and enough for a kebab was the wrong answer!

A drunk was sitting in a bar looking at three small brown pellets in his hand.

The bartender asked what they were, and the drunk replied “They are brain pills they make you smart.”

The bartender says excitedly, “Give me one.”

He snatches one from the drunks hand, and gulps it quickly down with water.

In a few minutes he comes back over to the drunk and says he doesn’t feel any smarter.

“You probably didn’t take enough.”

So the bartender quickly gulps down another one.

Half an hour later the bartender asks for a third pill.

This one he looks at with more care.

He sniffs it and tastes it slowly.

“Why, this is nothing but sheep manure!”

…

..

.

“See,” says the drunk, “you’re getting smarter already.”

There were three men at a bar.

One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.

The next day the man went before the judge.

The judge asked the man, “Where do you work?”

The man said, “Here and there.”

The judge asked the man, “What do you do for a living?”

The man said, “This and that.”

The judge then said, “Take him away.”

The man said, “Wait, judge when will I get out?”

The judge said to the man, “Sooner or later.”

An old farmer was hauling a load of manure when he was stopped by a state trooper. “You were speeding,” the cop said. “I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”

“Yep,” the farmer said as he watched the trooper shoo away several flies.

“These flies are terrible,” the trooper complained.

“Yep,” the farmer said. “Those are circle flies.”

“What’s a circle fly?”

“Them flies that circle a horse’s ass,” answered the farmer. “Them are circle flies.”

“You wouldn’t be calling me a horse’s ass, would you?” The trooper angrily asked.

…

..

.

“Nope, I didn’t,” the farmer replied. “But you just can’t fool them flies.”

Three little boys were looking for a summer job.

Their preacher needed some people to go around and sell Bibles, so the preacher hired two boys without even thinking twice. He was hesitant about hiring the third boy because he suffered from a speech impediment, but hired him anyway.

So after the first days of work, they all met back at the church. The preacher looked at the first boy and asked him, “How many bibles did you sell?”

The boy stood up and said, “35.”

“Is that all you sold?” the preacher asked.

“He looked at the second boy and asked him the same thing.

The boy said, “75.”

“That’s good,” the preacher replied. He didn’t want to ask the third boy but did. The boy with the speech impediment said, “I-I-I s-s-sold 175.”

The preacher was amazed and asked the boy how he managed to sell all those Bibles.

He said, “I-I-I t-t-t-t-told them to b-b-buy t-t-t-t-them or I will r-r-read it to t-t-t-t-them.”

Two drunks enter a hotel late at night.

They approach the night-clerk, and one of them says, “Could you please give us a bed with two rooms?”

“You mean a room with two beds?” asks the clerk.

“Whatever, whatever you say.”

So they get a key and somehow to stumble upstairs to their room.

After fumbling for ten minutes, they even manage to get their door open. As they stumble inside, the door closes behind them and they are in total darkness. They go forward slowly, and both fail on the bed closest to the door.

“Ahh,” says one, “Now we can get some sleep at last.” As they try to rearrange themselves, they suddenly realize that they are not alone in their bed.

“Hey! There’s somebody in my bed!” says one of them

“There’s somebody in my bed too!” says the other.

“Let’s get rid of them. We paid for this room and we’re going to sleep in the beds!” says the first.

They start a tremendous struggle. They heave and push until eventually one of them throws the other on the floor.

“ALL RIGHT!!” he shouts, “I’ve thrown mind off the bed.”

“You are lucky,” says other, “ I got thrown off and I’m too tired to flight any more.”

“Well, never mind,” says the first, “Why don’t you just come and share my bed. Let’s get some sleep round here.”