Author: news

One day Pablo and Paco are riding through the desert on their horses.

As they ride along, Pablo smells something horrible. He stops his horse and turns around.

He says “Hey Paco, you shit your pants?”

Paco says “No, Pablo, I did not shit my pants.”

He believes him and they keep riding. As they go on, the smell gets worse. The smell is so bad, flys begin to swarm. Pablo stops his horse and turns around.

He then says “Paco, Are you sure you did not shit your pants?”

Paco says “Yes Pablo, I am sure I did not shit my pants.”

He says “Ok.”

They keep going and now the smell is getting to be unbearable. Pablo is swatting the flys away. Pablo stops his horse and gets of his horse.

He then says “Paco, get of your horse, pull down your pants. I thought you said you did not shit your pants?”

Paco replies “I thought you meant today!”

1.A crawling feeling in your legs

The symptom of restless leg syndrome is a disorder. It gives you the feeling that something is crawling on your legs.

2.Skin thickening

Skin thickening can happen from a hormonal disorder, eczema, or allergies. Always talk to a doctor to understand the condition.

3.A change in handwriting and loss of smell
The slowness of movement, speech, and writing changes can be signs of Parkinson’s disease.

4.Aggressive behavior
Aggressive behavior can be a sign of depression. Researchers say that depression does not always appear with sadness.

5.Sleeping too much
Hypersomnia is a disorder, i.e., sleeping too much. Doctors say that some autoimmune diseases may cause the intense feeling of wanting to sleep anytime and anyplace.

6.Changes in eye color
If you are under 45 years old, a white or grey ring around the cornea of the eyes means you may have high cholesterol.

7.Craving only salty food
According to medical researchers, if you are only craving salty food all the time, it can be a sign of an iron deficiency, anemia, dehydration, or premenstrual syndrome.

8.Fatigue and a low libido

If you experience fatigue and have a low libido most of the time, it can be a sign of a thyroid hormone issue.

9.Feeling thirsty all the time
Feeling thirsty all the time can be connected to your salty food choices, but it can also be a sign of diabetes or pregnancy.

10.The need to chew ice
The need and want to chew ice can signify an iron deficiency or anemia. Take some blood tests to be sure!

Do you know any other symptoms that can tell a lot about your body? Tell us in the comments!

Dick Van Dyke, the cherished actor renowned for his iconic role in Mary Poppins, was compelled to evacuate his Malibu residence when severe wildfires encroached upon the area.

At the impressive age of 99, Van Dyke found himself in a dire situation as the flames rapidly approached his home in California’s Serra Retreat.

During an interview with Today, Van Dyke recounted the terrifying experience of trying to escape as the wildfire closed in. “It was coming over the hill. You [could] see it,” he described, vividly recalling the fire’s menacing advance toward his home.

Resolutely aiming to get to safety, Van Dyke attempted to crawl to his car, but found himself quickly running out of energy. “I had exhausted myself. I couldn’t get up.

And three neighbors came and carried me out,” he expressed, clearly appreciative of their prompt assistance. Not only did these neighbors help Van Dyke reach safety, but they also bravely fought the fire and managed to save his guest house from destruction.

A video taken during the evacuation captures Van Dyke stating he was “soaking wet” in his attempt to flee. Security cameras at his home captured these critical moments as Van Dyke, along with his wife Arlene and their pets, departed.

Amidst the chaos, Van Dyke made certain his friends and admirers were informed of his wellbeing through a Facebook post. “Arlene and I have safely evacuated with our animals except for Bobo, who escaped as we were leaving,” he expressed. “We’re praying he’ll be ok and that our community in Serra Retreat will survive these terrible fires.”

The wildfires began late Monday night, as part of the extensive Franklin Fire originating just north of Pepperdine University. By Tuesday, the wildfire had expanded across 2,800 acres, necessitating the evacuation of over 18,000 individuals and putting more than 8,000 structures in jeopardy. Sadly, the fire’s cause remains under investigation by Los Angeles County’s Fire and Sheriff’s arson teams.

Van Dyke’s escape from the fire is especially poignant as his contributions and life have been recently celebrated. His Malibu home was showcased in Coldplay’s music video for “All My Love,” affirming his enduring legacy in the entertainment world. In this reflective piece, Van Dyke shared profound thoughts on mortality, stating, “I’m not afraid of it. I have that feeling, totally against anything intellectual, that I’m going to be all right.”

Other prominent individuals in the area, like actress Mira Sorvino, singers Cher, and Barbra Streisand, also had to evacuate due to the fires threatening the neighborhood.

Messages of love and support flooded social media for Van Dyke, a symbol of resilience and optimism, who continues to uplift audiences with his enduring spirit. Although faced with a dangerous situation, Van Dyke’s priority remains his family, gratitude for assistance from others, and the kindness displayed within his community.

Even as the wildfires persist in threatening the region, Van Dyke’s escape story personifies both personal fortitude and the supportive nature of those around him during such trials.

Two nuns are driving a tiny car through Transylvania at night. Suddenly a vampire lands on their car and starts clawing & biting at the windshield!

Sister Daria, who’s driving, says “oh no! Sister Maria, show him your cross!”

Sister Maria sighs, rolls down her window, leans out, and shouts “oi! You! Fuck off!”

A woman asks her husband at breakfast time,
“Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?”

He declines. “Thanks for asking, but I’m not hungry right now.
It’s this Viagra,” he says. “It’s really taken the edge off my appetite.”

At lunchtime, she asked him if he would like something.
“How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins or a cheese sandwich?”
He declines. “The Viagra,” he says, “Its really spoiled my need for food.”

Come dinnertime, she asks if he wants anything to eat.
“Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?”
He declines again. “No,” he says, “it’s got to be the Viagra. I’m still not hungry.”

“Well,” she says, “Would you mind getting off me? I’m bloody starving.”

A game show host is talking to a rabbit
The host looks at his question card.

“Okay, here is your first question: What is 7 plus 5?”
“Twelve”, replied the rabbit.

“That’s correct! Now for question 2: What is 56 minus 37?”
The rabbit thought for a moment. “Nineteen”

“That’s correct! Okay, now here is your grand prize question:
How much is 1,297 times 142?”
And without skipping a beat, the rabbit immediately replied,
“184,174, what else?”
The host is surprised.
“That’s correct! But tell me, how did you get the final answer so quickly?”
“Oh, that’s easy,” said the rabbit.
“If there’s one thing our rabbits can do, it’s multiply!”

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.

He stopped and asked the boy, “Where did you get that turkey?”

The boy replied, “What turkey?”

The game warden said, “That turkey you’re carrying under your arm.”

The boy looks down and said, “Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!”

The game warden said, “Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I’m going to do to you.

If you break his leg, I’m gonna break your leg

If you break his wing, I’ll break your arm

Whatever you do to him, I’ll do to you

So, what are you gonna do with him?”

The little boy said, “I guess I’ll just kiss his as.

and let him go!”

A worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear.

“How are you, darling?” she said. “What kind of a day are you having?”

“Oh, mother,” said the woman on the phone, breaking into bitter tears, “I’ve had such a bad day. The baby won’t eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven’t had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I’ve just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I’m supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight.”

The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. “Oh, darling,” she said, “sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I’ll be over in half an hour. I’ll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I’ll feed the baby and I’ll call a repairman I know who’ll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I’ll do everything. In fact, I’ll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once.”

“George?” said the woman. “Who’s George?”

“Why, George! Your husband!….Is this 223-1374?

“No, this is 223-1375.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I have the wrong number.”

There was a short pause and the other woman said, “Does this mean you’re not coming over?”

After 37 years of marriage, Jake left his wife, Edith, for his young secretary.

His new girlfriend insisted they live in Jake and Edith’s luxurious multi-million-dollar home. With better lawyers on his side, Jake prevailed in court and gave Edith just three days to move out.

On the first day, Edith packed her belongings into boxes, crates, and suitcases. On the second day, movers came to take her things.

On the third day, she sat down for a final meal at their elegant dining table.

By candlelight, with soft music in the background, she enjoyed a feast of shrimp, caviar, and Chardonnay.

When she finished, Edith walked into every room of the house and stuffed half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow spaces of the curtain rods.

She cleaned up the kitchen and left the house for good.

When Jake and his new girlfriend moved in, everything seemed perfect—for a few days. Then, an unrelenting stench began to fill the house.

They tried everything: deep cleaning, airing out the rooms, checking vents for dead animals, and even replacing the carpets.

Exterminators were called in, and air fresheners were placed everywhere. Nothing worked.

The smell became so unbearable that friends stopped visiting, repair workers refused to enter, and even the housemaid quit.

Desperate, they decided to sell the house. Despite cutting the price in half, no buyers showed interest.

The foul odor had earned the house a notorious reputation, and even local realtors stopped taking their calls.

Eventually, Jake and his girlfriend had to borrow a large sum of money to buy a new home.

One day, Edith called Jake to ask how he was doing. He vented about the house’s unbearable smell and their struggles to sell it.

Edith listened sympathetically and mentioned how much she missed her old home. She offered to take the house back in exchange for a significant reduction in her divorce settlement.

Desperate to be rid of the house, Jake agreed. He quickly sold it to her at a fraction of its original value, provided she signed the papers that same day. Edith agreed and finalized the deal within hours.

A week later, Jake and his girlfriend stood watching movers pack their belongings to transfer to their new home.

As they smiled, satisfied to leave the nightmare behind, the movers loaded up everything—including the curtain rods.

A woman has a problem with her wardrobe door in the bedroom.

Every time a bus passes outside the house, the door of the wardrobe, would fall off.

She called a repairman to try and fix the problem.

The repairman comes, and he sees that indeed the door did fall off every time a bus passed by.

“Okay!” said the repairman, ‘I’m going to step inside the wardrobe, you close the door behind me, till I see if I can detect what the problem is.”

And he steps into the wardrobe.

The wife closes the door behind him.

At this point, the husband suddenly arrives home and finds his wife in the bedroom talking to someone.

He rushes over opens the wardrobe door, sees the repairman, and shouts, “What the hell are you doing in there?”

The repairman meekly replies, “Well believe it or not, I’m waiting for a bus!”

LOL!!

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!