Author: news

A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies.

Suddenly, at 3 o’clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.

The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man, “Holy crap. That must be my husband!”

So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go.

A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, ‘I AM your husband!’

The woman yelled back, “Yeah, then why were you running?”

And then the fight started…

Doctor Simon is known throughout London as one of the best consultants on arthritis.

He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment.

One day, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A chair is found for her. Eventually, her turn comes to go into Doctor Simon’s office.

15 minutes later, to everyone’s surprise, she comes briskly out of his room walking almost upright. She is holding her head high and has a smile on her face.

A woman in the waiting room says, “It’s unbelievable, a miracle even. You walk in bent in half and now you walk out erect. What a fantastic doctor he is. Tell me, what did Doctor Simon do to you?”

“Miracle, shmiracle, he just gave me a longer walking stick.”

A depressed man walks into a bar and sits down. He looks at the bartender and says, “Give me six double brandies.”

The bartender raises an eyebrow. “Rough day?”

“You could say that,” the man sighs. “I just found out my dad is gay.”

The next day, the same man returns, looking even more dejected. He orders another six double brandies.

The bartender shakes his head. “Back again? What happened this time?”

With a deep sigh, the man replies, “I just found out my son is gay too.”

On the third day, the man stumbles in once more, looking completely defeated. Again, he orders six double brandies.

The bartender, now genuinely concerned, leans in and asks, “Jeez, man… does anyone in your family like women?”

The man downs his drink and mutters, “Yeah… my wife.”

Farmer Brown goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.

The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says, “OK, old fellow, time to retire.”

The old rooster says, “You can’t handle all these chickens. Look what it did to me!”

The young rooster replies, “Now, don’t give me a hassle about this old man. It’s time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike!”

The old rooster says, “Aw, c’mon, just let me have those two old hens over there in the corner. I won’t bother you.” The young rooster snarls, “Scram! Beat it! You’re washed up! I’m taking over!”

The old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, “I’ll tell you what, young fellow. I’ll have a race around the farmhouse with you. Whoever wins the race gets full reign over the chicken coop.”

The young rooster smiles, “You know I’m going to beat you, old man. So just to be fair, I’m even going to give you a head start.”

The two roosters line up in back of the farm house; a hen clucks “Go!” and the old rooster takes off running. About five seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.

Farmer Brown, sitting on the porch, hearing the commotion looks up and sees what’s going on. Quickly, he grabs his shotg*n and BOOM! The young rooster is blown to smithereens!

Farmer Brown sadly shakes his head in disgust, “Damn! That makes the third gay rooster I bought this week.”

A college student was in a philosophy class, where there was a class discussion about whether or not God exists,

The professor had the following logic:

“Has anyone in this class heard God?” Nobody spoke.

“Has anyone in this class touched God?” Again, nobody spoke.

“Has anyone in this class seen God?” When nobody spoke for the third time, he simply stated, “Then there is no God.”

The student did not like the sound of this at all, and asked for permission to speak.

The professor granted it, and the student stood up and asked the following questions of his classmates:

“Has anyone in this class heard our professor’s brain?” Silence.

“Has anyone in this class touched our professor’s brain?” Absolute silence.

“Has anyone in this class seen our professor’s brain?”

When nobody in the class dared to speak, the student concluded, “Then, according to our professor’s logic, it must be true that our professor has no brain!”

A blonde, looking to make some extra cash, decided to do odd jobs around her rich neighborhood.

At the first house, the man says, “You can paint my porch. How much?”

“$50,” she replies.

He agrees, hands her the paint and brushes, and goes back inside. His wife, overhearing, raises an eyebrow.

“Does she even know the porch wraps around the whole house?”

He shrugs. “She should. She was standing on it.”

Not long after, the blonde knocks on the door.

“All done!” she beams. “And I had enough paint left to give it two coats.”

The man, impressed, starts pulling out the cash when she adds with a smile: “Oh, and by the way—it’s not a porch… It’s a Lexus.”

LOL!! A dumb joke is still a good, funny joke!

Behind his tremendous career in the entertainment business, Michael J. Fox is the epitome of a family man when no one is looking.

He and Tracy Pollan, his loving wife, have four children who are now adults, so the couple has had their hands full.

They went on to have three more children, and the encouragement they offer their father is tremendously inspiring. Michael was already a father of one when he was diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease at the age of 29, yet they continued to have children. At the age of 29, Michael received a Parkinson’s disease diagnosis.

The couple has been married since 1988 and has four children: Esme, 20, Aquinnah and Schuyler, identical twins, all 27 years old, and Sam, 33.

Unlike their father, they all prefer to stay out of the spotlight whenever possible. Only their eldest sibling has a personal Instagram account that is accessible to the whole public.

The singer’s only son who also happens to be Michael’s doppelganger regularly updates his fans on his family life and shares pictures of the musician.

Michael’s oldest child, Sam, is a carbon copy of his dad.

Sam never misses to celebrate his father’s birthday by showing him how much he loves and appreciates him.

Michael’s twins have taken part in a number of public engagements with their father to raise awareness of Parkinson’s illness and show a cohesive front, despite the fact that not much is known about them.

On the occasion of their most recent birthday, the Back to the Future star showed them some kindness.

“Twice the love, a hundred times the laughs,” he wrote as the description of one of his Instagram images. “Happy birthday to my gorgeous daughters today. I love you so much.

Michael takes enormous delight in being a dad, and the Michaels are a very close-knit family.

Her parents officially became empty-nesters when their youngest kid left for college in 2019, but due to the COVID-19 epidemic, they were all forced to relocate to Long Island to live together.

He stated, “We were normally linger-after-dinner types anyhow, and now we were staying and discussing about what people were going through,” in an interview he gave to The Guardian in the year 2020. Putting together jigsaw puzzles, observing Tracy cook up a storm, and interacting with the other guests, including these incredible kids and this great lady. I find it difficult to accept that this is my life.

Although it is clear that Michael enjoys spending time with his family, he recently informed them about the passing of his beloved mother, Phyllis Fox, at the age of 92. Everyone in his family suffered a significant loss as a result.

The epiphany occurs as he continues to battle with his health. After discovering he had cancer, Michael has devoted his life to the pursuit of a cure, and throughout the years, he has collected more than $1 billion in donations to aid in this cause.

A big, burly man knocked on the door of the pastor’s house one day

and asked to see the minister’s wife, a woman known for her charity work and love for the poor and helpless.

The woman opened the door and saw the man with tears streaming down his face.

“Oh, whatever is the matter?” she cried out.

“I come to you today, dear woman, to do charity and good work,” said the man in a hopeless voice.

“Come in, come in!” The woman admitted him inside and they sat in her living room.

“Madam,” said the man in a broken voice, “I wish to draw your attention to the terrible plight of a poor family in this district. The father is dead, the mother is too ill to work, and the nine children are starving. They are about to be turned into the cold, empty streets unless someone pays their rent, which amounts to $400.”

“How terrible!” exclaimed the preacher’s wife. “May I ask who you are?”

The sympathetic visitor applied his handkerchief to his eyes.

“I’m the landlord,” he sobbed.

A depressed man walks into a bar and sits down. He looks at the bartender and says, “Give me six double brandies.”

The bartender raises an eyebrow. “Rough day?”

“You could say that,” the man sighs. “I just found out my dad is gay.”

The next day, the same man returns, looking even more dejected. He orders another six double brandies.

The bartender shakes his head. “Back again? What happened this time?”

With a deep sigh, the man replies, “I just found out my son is gay too.”

On the third day, the man stumbles in once more, looking completely defeated. Again, he orders six double brandies.

The bartender, now genuinely concerned, leans in and asks, “Jeez, man… does anyone in your family like women?”

The man downs his drink and mutters, “Yeah… my wife.”

A newlywed blonde phones her mother and sobs,

“Steve doesn’t appreciate the things I do for him.”

“Now, now, dear,” her mother replies, in an attempt to comfort her. “I’m sure it was all just a misunderstanding.”

“No, mother,” the young bride wails, “I bought a frozen turkey loaf for Thansgiving and he screamed at me because of the price.”

“Well, that is being a little cheap,” the mother agrees. “Those turkey rolls don’t cost more than a few of dollars.”

“It wasn’t the cost of the turkey roll he was upset about, mother,” says the blonde, “it was the airplane ticket.”

“Airplane ticket?” What are you talking about?” asks the confused mother. “Why did you need an airplane ticket?”

“Well, mother,” the blonde explains, “when I went to prepare the turkey roll, I checked the directions on the back. It said, ‘Prepare from a frozen state’, so I flew to Alaska!”