Author: news

An Old Lady Went To A Bank To Withdraw Money.
An old lady went to a bank intending to withdraw money…

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said,

“I would like to withdraw $500.”

The female teller told her,

“For withdrawals less than $5,000, please use the ATM.”

The old lady then asked, “Why?”

The teller irritably told her,

“These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you.”

She then returned the card to the old lady.

The old lady remained silent.

But she returned the card to the teller and said,

“Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”

The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance.

She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady,

“My apologies Granny, you have $3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?”

The old lady then asked, “How much am I able to withdraw now?”

The teller told her, “Any amount up to $300,000”

The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw $300,000 from her account.

The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady respectfully.

The old lady kept $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $299,500 back into her account.

An Old Lady Went To A Bank To Withdraw Money.
An old lady went to a bank intending to withdraw money…

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said,

“I would like to withdraw $500.”

The female teller told her,

“For withdrawals less than $5,000, please use the ATM.”

The old lady then asked, “Why?”

The teller irritably told her,

“These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you.”

She then returned the card to the old lady.

The old lady remained silent.

But she returned the card to the teller and said,

“Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”

The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance.

She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady,

“My apologies Granny, you have $3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?”

The old lady then asked, “How much am I able to withdraw now?”

The teller told her, “Any amount up to $300,000”

The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw $300,000 from her account.

The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady respectfully.

The old lady kept $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $299,500 back into her account.

Two guys are walking through a game park & they come across a lion that has not eaten for days.

The lion starts chasing the two men.

They run as fast as they can and the one guy starts getting tired and decides to say a prayer, “Please turn this lion into a Christian, Lord.”

He looks to see if the lion is still chasing and he sees the lion on its knees.

Happy to see his prayer answered, he turns around and heads towards the lion.

As he comes closer to the lion, he hears the it saying a prayer: “Thank you Lord for the food I am about to receive.”

An 85 Year Old Couple Died In A Car Crash.
An 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, had died in a car crash.

They had been in good health the last ten years mainly due to her interest in healthy food, and exercise.

When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and master bath suite and Jacuzzi.

As they “oohed and aahed” the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost.

“It’s free,” Peter replied, “this is Heaven.”

Next, they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to.

They would have golfing privileges every day and each week the course changed to a new one representing the great golf courses on earth.

The old man asked, “what are the green fees?”.

Peter’s reply, “This is heaven, you play for free.”

Next, they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out.

“How much to eat?” asked the old man.

“Don’t you understand yet? This is heaven, it is free!” Peter replied with some exasperation.

“Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol tables?” the old man asked timidly.

Peter lectured, “That’s the best part…you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven.”

With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat and stomping on it, shrieking wildly.

Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong.

The old man looked at his wife and said,

“This is all your fault! If it weren’t for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!”

Blonde walks into a doctors office and says:

“Doctor, what’s the problem with me?

When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts…

When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts…

When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts…

When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!”

The Doctor replies: “Your finger is broken.”

A man and woman are having dinner in a restaurant.

A waitress serving at the next table notices the man slowly sliding down his chair until he disappears under the table.

The woman seems completely unconcerned and doesn’t appear to have noticed.

Concerned, the waitress goes over to the woman and discreetly whispers, “Pardon me ma’am, but I think your husband has just slid under the table!”

The woman replies, “No, actually, he’s just walked in the front door!”

Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed

that the man was slowly sliding down his chair and under the table, with the woman acting unconcerned.

The waitress watched as the man slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table.

Still, the woman dining across from him appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that her dining companion had disappeared.

After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said

to the woman, “Pardon me, ma’am, but I think your husband just slid under the table.”

The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, “No he didn’t. He just walked in the door.”

Two boys go into a forest and walk around.

Suddenly they see a undressed women, then one of the boys run away.

The other chases after him.

The boy asked “Why did you run away?”

The other said “My mom told me if I saw a undressed women I’d turn to stone,

I already felt something getting getting hard.”

A jealous husband hired a private detective to check on his wife’s movements.

The husband wanted more than a written report; He wanted a video of his wife’s activities.

A week later, the detective returned with a video.

They sat down together to watch it.

Even though the quality was less than professional, the man saw his wife meeting another man!

He saw the two of them laughing in the park. He saw them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He saw them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. He saw the man and his wife participate in a dozen activities with the greatest joy.

“I just can’t believe this,” said the distraught husband.

The detective said, “What’s not to believe? It’s right up there on the screen!”

The husband replied, “I can’t believe my wife could be so much fun!”

LOL!!

Let’s pray for Honey Boo Boo, Alana Thompson, amid her struggles and triumphs.The custody battle with her mother,

Mama June Shannon, was a tough period. Alana, opening up about her past depression, now finds solace in her achievements, including graduating high school with a 3.0 GPA and pursuing her dream of becoming a neonatal nurse at Regis University.

Mama June faced legal issues, leading Alana to live with her older sister, Lauryn. Despite challenges, family unity prevailed. Alana reflects on her journey with gratitude and resilience, acknowledging the harsh impact of her mother’s substance abuse. Let’s wish her continued strength and success.

Moore, 61, spoke candidly about Bruce, 69, at the 2024 Hamptons International Film Festival on Sunday, October 13, sharing her perspective on the Die Hard actor’s diagnosis, announced in February 2023 by Bruce’s wife, Emma Heming Willis.

“The disease is what the disease is. And I think you have to be in real deep acceptance of what that is,” Moore said at a festival event, per People, that honored Moore with the Career Achievement in Acting Award. “But for where he’s at, he is stable.”

Moore, who was married to Bruce from 1987 to 2000 and shares three daughters, Rumer, 36, Scout, 33, and Tallulah, 30, with him, expanded even further on her mindset.