Author: news

Little Johnny was a seven-year-old boy. He was naughty, funny, and very mischievous.

One day, his mom was unwell and he was looked after by his daddy. Little Johnny’s daddy asked him to go to bed as it was close to 9.30 pm.

Little Johnny went to his room. His daddy was watching television in the living room.

It was 9.45 and Little Johnny called, “Daddy, can you please bring me a glass of water to drink? ”Daddy was annoyed, “No way Johnny! You get it on your own!

”After five minutes, Little Johnny called his dad and said, “Daddy can you please give me a glass of water? I’m very thirsty”, Daddy replied, “No Johnny. I already told you! ”

After five minutes, Little Johnny shouted, “Daddy can you please give me water?” Daddy said …“I told you twice, I won’t! If you ask again, I will come in and spank you! ”

Little Johnny was silent for a while. After 10 minutes, “Daddy, when you come to spank me, can you please give me a glass of water?” Daddy was speechless!

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, “About 2 hours.”

The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around at the shop and said, “About 3 hours.” The guy left.

A week later, the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, “How long before I can get a haircut?”

The barber looked around the shop and said, “About an hour and a half.” The guy left.

The barber turned to his friend and said, “Hey, Bob, do me a favor, follow him and see where he goes. He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but he never comes back.”

A little while later, Bob returned to the shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, “So, where does he go when he leaves?” Bob looked up, wiped the tears from his eyes and said, “Your house!”

If you are into good jokes, this one will definitely make your day.

There was this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, “If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I’ll quit!”

Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had “fallen”.

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age.

About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, “You have to do something about the sidewalks in town.

When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen. ”The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word.

Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, “I don’t know what you’re laughing about. Your wife fell three times this week.”

A woman marries a man and has 10 children. The man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children.

The next man dies, so the woman remarries again and has ten more children.

That man dies, so the woman remarries and has 10 more children…

The husband dies again and finally the woman dies as well.

At the funeral, the priest mutters, “Thank God! They’re finally together!“

A man at the funeral asks another man on his left, “Which husband do you think he means?

The first, second, or third?” The man on his left says, “I think he means her legs.”

A beautiful woman is sitting next to the little johnny on a plane. There is terrible turbulence and then the plane goes into a sudden nosedive.

The Captain comes on the intercom and says “I hate to have to tell you this folk, but we might not walk away from this one.”

Everyone begins to panic except for the johnny who sheepishly turns to the woman and says, “I hate to trouble you miss, but we might die and I’ve never kissed anyone.”

The woman is at first taken aback but after a moment realizes she might as well make the kid happy in their final moments.

She passionately kisses him. The johnny, elated, go on, “Sorry to bother you again after such a lovely kiss, but we might die and I’ve never felt a bre@st.” Again the woman is taken aback but decides there is no harm in it and slides his hand under her shirt.

After a good long feel, the little Johnny again says “you’ve been so kind already but please, I don’t want to die never having gotten a bl0w job.” Already committed to helping this boy have new experiences before they die, the woman smiles and begins to undo his belt.

Just then the plane levels off. As everyone exits the plane they shake hands with the captain and congratulate him. The woman walks off the plain she says “thank you so much for saving us from certain death.”

The Little Johnny shouts “just a little longer next time dad!”

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things.

Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.

“He thinks a lot” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.

Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked

“So why do you have so much hair?”

One day at school, little Charlie needed to go to the restroom quite urgently.

He raised his hand. The strict substitute teacher asked him to say the full alphabet before she would let him go.

“But Miss, I am bursting to go,” said Charlie.

“You may go, but after you say the full alphabet,” declared the teacher. “A-B-C-D-E-F-G-H-I-J-K-L-M-N-O-Q-R-S-T-U-V-W-X-Y-Z,” he said.

Catching his mistake, the substitute asked, “Charlie, where is the ‘P?’ ”

He answered, “Halfway down my legs, Miss.”

A nun was sitting at the airport, waiting for her flight to Chicago.

She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune and thought to herself, “I’ll give it a try and see what it tells me.”

She went over to the machine, stepped up on the scale and put her nickel in.

Out came a card that read, “You are a nun. You weigh 128 lbs, and you are going to Chicago.”

The Nun sat back down and told herself that the machine probably gives the same card to everyone. The more she thught about it, the more curious she got so she decided to try it again.

She went back to the machine and again put her nickel in. Out came a card that read: “You are a Nun. You weigh 128 lbs. You are going to Chicago and you are going to play a fiddle.”

The Nun says to herself, “I know that is wrong. I have never played a musical instrument even once in my life.” She sat back down.

From out of nowhere a cowboy came over and sat down, putting his fiddle case on the seat between them. Without thinking, she opened the cowboy’s case, took out the fiddle, and started playing beautiful music.

Surprised at what she had done, she looked over at the machine, thinking “this is incredible. I’ve got to try this again.”

Back to the machine she went, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read, “You are a Nun. You weigh 128 lbs. You are going to Chicago and you are going to break wind.”

Now she knows the machine is wrong as she thought to herself “I’ve never broken wind in public a single time in my life.” But getting down off the machine she slipped, and as she was straining to keep herself from falling to the floor, she broke wind.

Absolutely stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, “This is truly remarkable. I’ve got to try this again.”

She went back to the machine, put in another nickel, and another card came out. It read, “You are a Nun. You weigh 128 lbs. You have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago.”

A REDNECK LOVE POEM SUSIE LEE DONE FELL IN LOVE,

SHE PLANNED TO MARRY JOE.

SHE WAS SO HAPPY ‘BOUT IT ALL,

SHE TOLD HER PAPPY SO.

PAPPY TOLD HER, SUSIE GAL,

YOU’LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER.

I’D JUST AS SOON YO’ MA DON’T KNOW,

BUT JOE IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.

SO SUSIE PUT ASIDE HER JOE AND PLANNED TO MARRY WILL.

BUT AFTER TELLING PAPPY THIS, HE SAID,

‘THERE’S TROUBLE STILL! YOU CAN’T MARRY WILL, MY GAL,

AND PLEASE DON’T TELL YO’ MOTHER.

BUT WILL AND JOE, AND SEVERAL MO’ I KNOW IS YO’ HALF BROTHER.

BUT MAMA KNEW AND SAID, MY CHILD,

JUST DO WHAT MAKES YO’ HAPPY.

MARRY WILL OR MARRY JOE; YOU AIN’T NO KIN TO PAPPY.

The internet had mixed reactions to Tammy Hembrow’s latest Instagram post, where she shared a photo of herself in a revealing bikini. Known for her substantial social media following and often polarizing presence, Hembrow appeared to be wearing a bikini from Minimale Animale, identifiable by its minimal coverage that seemed to blend into her figure. Detractors labeled the bikini “unwearable” and compared it to “a piece of floss.”

Despite the backlash, numerous fans came forward to support Hembrow. The bikini is part of a collaboration between her and the brand, set to be released soon. Hembrow expressed her enthusiasm for the launch in her post, stating, “Tammy Hembrow x the Minimale Animale EUPHORIA launches tomorrow.”

Critics, however, highlighted a potential issue with the bikini: it cannot be returned due to its intimate fit. This policy urges customers to be particularly cautious when selecting their size. Moreover, this controversy has sparked a broader discussion about the practicality of high-fashion swimwear versus everyday usability.

While some admire the daring design for its aesthetic appeal, others question the functionality of such pieces for regular beach or pool use. This debate underscores the ongoing tension between fashion-forward trends and consumer expectations of comfort and practicality in swimwear.