{"id":6903,"date":"2025-06-10T04:56:42","date_gmt":"2025-06-10T03:56:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6903"},"modified":"2025-06-10T04:56:42","modified_gmt":"2025-06-10T03:56:42","slug":"a-polish-man-married-an-american-woman-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6903","title":{"rendered":"A Polish man married an American woman"},"content":{"rendered":"

A Polish man married an American woman, and even though his English wasn\u2019t perfect, they got along just fine.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

One day, he bursts into a lawyer\u2019s office, looking panicked.<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cI need a divorce! Please help!\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cA divorce? Well, that depends on your situation. Do you have any grounds?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cYes, yes! One acre and a nice little house.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cNo, I mean\u2014what\u2019s the foundation of your case?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cOh! Made of concrete.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cSir, do you and your wife have a grudge?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cNo need! We have a carport!\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cLet\u2019s try again\u2026 what are your relations like?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cAll still in Poland.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cSir, has there been any infidelity in your marriage?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cOh yes! We have hi-fidelity stereo and a good DVD player.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cNo, I mean\u2026 does your wife ever beat you up?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cNo, no, I wake up before her every day!\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: Getting frustrated. \u201cThen why do you want a divorce?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cBecause she tries to k-i.l.l me!\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cWhat?! What makes you think that?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cI have proof! She buys a bottle at the drugstore\u2026 puts it\u00a0 in the bathroom!\u201d<\/p>\n

Lawyer: \u201cAnd what did the bottle say?\u201d<\/p>\n

Man: \u201cRight on label\u2026 \u2018Regular Polish Remover!’\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

A couple eats at a Chinese restaurant and orders the \u201cChicken Surprise.\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A couple eats at a Chinese restaurant and orders the \u201cChicken Surprise.\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast-iron pot.<\/p>\n

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the pot\u2019s lid rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down.<\/p>\n

\u201cGood grief, did you see that?\u201d she asks her husband.<\/p>\n

He hasn\u2019t, so she asks him to look in the pot<\/p>\n

He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down.<\/p>\n

Sputtering in a fit of pique, he calls the waiter over, describes what is happening, and demands an explanation!<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease sir,\u201d says the waiter, \u201cwhat you order?\u201d<\/p>\n

The husband replies, \u201cChicken Surprise.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAh\u2026 so sorry,\u201d says the waiter, \u201cI bring you Peeking Duck.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Polish man married an American woman, and even though his English wasn\u2019t perfect, they got along just fine. One day, he bursts into a lawyer\u2019s office, looking panicked. Man: \u201cI need a divorce! Please help!\u201d Lawyer: \u201cA divorce? Well, that depends on your situation. Do you have any grounds?\u201d Man: \u201cYes, yes! One acre […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2719,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6903"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6903\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6904,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6903\/revisions\/6904"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}