A husband went to the police station to file a \u201cmissing person\u201d report for his missing wife:<\/p>\n
Husband:\u00a0\u201cI lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn\u2019t come back yet.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0\u201cWhat is her height?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Husband:\u00a0\u201cI never checked.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0\u201cSlim or healthy?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Husband:\u00a0\u201cNot slim, she can be healthy.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0\u201cColour of eyes.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Husband:\u00a0\u201cNever noticed.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0Colour of hair?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Husband:\u00a0\u201cIt changes according to season.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0\u201cWhat was she wearing?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Husband:\u00a0\u201cNot sure. It may have been a dress or maybe a suit.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0\u201cWas she driving?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Husband:\u00a0\u201cYes.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0\u201cTell me the type and colour of the car?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Husband: \u201cA black Audi A8 with supercharged 3.0-litre V6 engine generating 333 horsepower teamed with an eight-speed Tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode.<\/p>\n It has full LED headlights, which use light-emitting diodes for all light functions.<\/p>\n It has a very thin scratch on the front left door and then the husband started crying.\u201d<\/p>\n Inspector:\u00a0\u201cDon\u2019t worry sir, we will find your car!<\/strong><\/p>\n The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica,\u00a0\u201cWhat part of the human body increases to ten times its normal size when excited?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s disgusting!\u201d Jessica responds. \u201cI don\u2019t have to answer that question!\u201d<\/p>\n So the teacher asks Jamie, who responds:\u00a0\u201cThat\u2019s easy\u2026 the pupil of the eye.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s correct, Jamie. Very good!\u201d The teacher says.<\/p>\n Then turning to Jessica, she announces:\u00a0\u201cI have three things to say to you, young lady\u2026 First, you didn\u2019t do your homework; second, you have a dirty mind; and third, you\u2019re in for a big disappointment!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" A husband went to the police station to file a \u201cmissing person\u201d report for his missing wife: Husband:\u00a0\u201cI lost my wife, she went shopping and hasn\u2019t come back yet.\u201d Inspector:\u00a0\u201cWhat is her height?\u201d Husband:\u00a0\u201cI never checked.\u201d Inspector:\u00a0\u201cSlim or healthy?\u201d Husband:\u00a0\u201cNot slim, she can be healthy.\u201d Inspector:\u00a0\u201cColour of eyes.\u201d Husband:\u00a0\u201cNever noticed.\u201d Inspector:\u00a0Colour of hair?\u201d Husband:\u00a0\u201cIt changes […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2719,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6897","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6897","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6897"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6897\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6898,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6897\/revisions\/6898"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6897"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6897"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6897"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}