{"id":6866,"date":"2025-06-06T08:27:13","date_gmt":"2025-06-06T07:27:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6866"},"modified":"2025-06-06T08:27:13","modified_gmt":"2025-06-06T07:27:13","slug":"abe-and-esther-are-flying-to-australia","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6866","title":{"rendered":"Abe And Esther Are Flying To Australia."},"content":{"rendered":"

An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces,<\/p>\n

\u201cLadies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!\u201d<\/p>\n

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.<\/p>\n

An hour later the old man Abe turns to his wife and asks,<\/p>\n

\u201cEsther, did we pay our $5,000 PBS pledge check yet?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cNo, sweetheart,\u201d she responds.<\/p>\n

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,<\/p>\n

\u201cEsther, did we pay our American Express card yet?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cOy, no! I\u2019m sorry. I forgot to send the check,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n

\u201cOne last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Visa and MasterCard this month?\u201d he asks.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, forgive me, Abie,\u201d begged Esther.<\/p>\n

\u201cI didn\u2019t send that one, either.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.<\/p>\n

Esther pulls away and asks him,<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, why did you kiss me?\u201d<\/p>\n

Abe answers,<\/p>\n

\u201cThey\u2019ll find us.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Three Kids are arguing about who\u2019s dad is the fastest.<\/p>\n

At lunch the first boy says,<\/p>\n

\u201cMy dad is the fastest because he is a brick layer & when he drops a brick from the 5th floor he can run to the ground level & be there before the brick hits!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cNot bad,\u201d says the 2nd boy,\u00a0\u201cBut my dad is faster.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cHe is a professional archer. When he shoots an arrow at the bulls-eye he can reach it before the arrow does!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s pretty fast,\u201d says the 3rd boy,\u00a0\u201cBut not as fast as my old man.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cMy dad works for the Government as a public servant, & when he finishes work at 5pm, he can get home by 2:30pm!<\/strong><\/p>\n

A man sat at a local bar and said:<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is a special day, I\u2019m celebrating.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat a coincidence\u201d,<\/strong>\u00a0said the woman next to him,<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m celebrating, too\u201d,<\/strong>\u00a0she said and clinked glasses with him.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat are your celebrating?\u201d,<\/strong>\u00a0the woman asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a chicken farmer, and for years all my hens were infertile, but today they\u2019re finally fertile.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat a coincidence\u201d,<\/strong>\u00a0the woman said,<\/p>\n

\u201cFor my husband and I have been trying to have a child.<\/p>\n

Today, my gynaecologist told me I\u2019m pregnant!<\/p>\n

How did your chickens become fertile?\u201d, she asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cI switched cocks\u201d,<\/strong>\u00a0he replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat a coincidence\u201d,<\/strong>\u00a0she said.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An old couple, Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary. Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, \u201cLadies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2719,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6866","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6866","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6866"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6866\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6867,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6866\/revisions\/6867"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6866"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6866"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6866"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}