{"id":6755,"date":"2025-05-30T10:47:59","date_gmt":"2025-05-30T09:47:59","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6755"},"modified":"2025-05-30T10:47:59","modified_gmt":"2025-05-30T09:47:59","slug":"a-newlywed-couple-had-just-moved-into-their-first-home","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6755","title":{"rendered":"A newlywed couple had just moved into their first home."},"content":{"rendered":"

A newlywed couple had just moved into their first home.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The husband is slouched on the couch, glued to a football game.<\/p>\n

During a commercial break, his wife says, \u201cHoney, can you change the lightbulb in the hallway after the game?\u201d<\/p>\n

He smirks and replies, \u201cDo I look like a damn electrician?\u201d<\/p>\n

A few days later, she says, \u201cThe fridge door\u2019s busted. Can you fix it?\u201d<\/p>\n

He shrugs, \u201cDo I look like a damn appliance repairman?\u201d<\/p>\n

She tries one more time: \u201cAt least fix the broken step by the front door? Someone\u2019s going to break their neck!\u201d<\/p>\n

He scoffs, \u201cI\u2019m not a damn carpenter either! What do I look like, Home Depot? I\u2019m going to the pub!\u201d<\/p>\n

A few hours (and beers) later, guilt kicks in. He stumbles home expecting the house to be in pieces\u2014but surprise!<\/p>\n

The hallway light is on.<\/p>\n

The fridge door works.<\/p>\n

The step is fixed.<\/p>\n

Shocked, he asks,<\/p>\n

\u201cHow did all this get done?\u201d<\/p>\n

His wife says, \u201cWell, after you stormed out, I sat outside and cried. A nice young man walked by and asked what was wrong. When I told him, he said he\u2019d fix everything if I either baked him a fancy cake\u2026 or s.l.ept with him.\u201d<\/p>\n

The husband stares at her. \u201cSo\u2026 you baked him a cake?\u201d<\/p>\n

She looks him dead in the eyes: \u201cDo I look like a damn pastry chef?\u201d<\/p>\n

Boom. Roasted.<\/p>\n

\n

A happily married couple had only one major issue in their relationship<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

This story doesn\u2019t make you cry laughing, let me know\u2014I\u2019ll say a prayer for you.<\/p>\n

A happily married couple had only one major issue in their relationship: the husband\u2019s morning routine of farting like a foghorn.<\/p>\n

Every day, his wife would wake up to the thunderous blasts, gasping for air as the noxious fumes made her eyes water.<\/p>\n

\u201cPlease, for the love of all things holy, STOP!\u201d she begged him daily.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t help it,\u201d he\u2019d say. \u201cIt\u2019s totally natural!\u201d<\/p>\n

She warned him, \u201cOne day, you\u2019re going to blow your guts out.\u201d<\/p>\n

The years rolled by, and so did his morning explosions. Then came Christmas morning. As the wife was preparing the turkey, she stared at the pile of innards\u2014gizzard, liver, neck, and all\u2014and a brilliantly wicked idea struck her.<\/p>\n

She crept upstairs, where her husband was still snoozing, gently pulled back the covers, and ever so carefully tipped the entire bowl of turkey guts into his underwear before tucking him back in.<\/p>\n

A while later, the house shook with his usual morning eruption\u2014only this time, it was followed by a bloodcurdling scream. The sound of frantic footsteps pounded toward the bathroom.<\/p>\n

The wife collapsed on the floor, laughing so hard she could barely breathe.<\/p>\n

Twenty minutes later, the husband emerged, pale as a ghost, in his now blood-streaked underwear. His face was a mask of horror.<\/p>\n

Trying to keep a straight face, his wife asked, \u201cWhat happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

He gulped. \u201cHoney\u2026 you were right. All these years, you warned me, but I never listened.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d she asked, barely holding it together.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell\u2026 it finally happened. I farted my guts out.\u201d<\/p>\n

He shuddered, then added, \u201cBut by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers\u2026 I think I got most of them back in.\u201d<\/p>\n

LOL!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A newlywed couple had just moved into their first home. The husband is slouched on the couch, glued to a football game. During a commercial break, his wife says, \u201cHoney, can you change the lightbulb in the hallway after the game?\u201d He smirks and replies, \u201cDo I look like a damn electrician?\u201d A few days […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2719,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6755","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6755","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6755"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6755\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6756,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6755\/revisions\/6756"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6755"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6755"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6755"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}