{"id":6391,"date":"2025-05-06T05:15:50","date_gmt":"2025-05-06T04:15:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6391"},"modified":"2025-05-06T05:15:50","modified_gmt":"2025-05-06T04:15:50","slug":"the-helpful-priest-4","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6391","title":{"rendered":"The Helpful Priest"},"content":{"rendered":"

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland.<\/h2>\n

She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: \u201cExcuse me Father, could I ask a favor?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course my child, What can I do for you?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHere is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou have such an honest face Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions\u201d, and she gave him the \u2018hair remover\u2019.<\/p>\n

The aircraft arrived at its destination. When the priest presented himself to customs he was asked, \u201cFather, do you have anything to declare?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son\u201d, he replied.<\/p>\n

Finding this reply strange, the customs officer asked, \u201cAnd from the sash down, what do you have?\u201d<\/p>\n

The priest replied, \u201cI have there a marvelous little instrument designed for use by women, but which has never been used.\u201d<\/p>\n

Breaking out in laughter, the customs officer said, \u201cGo ahead Father. Next!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Little Johnny was going to his fathers house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.<\/h2>\n

He was walking with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill. He started up the hill but was constantly swearing \u201cThis damn thing is so heavy.\u201d<\/p>\n

A priest heard him and came out. \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t be swearing\u201d said the priest. \u201cGod hears you\u2026He is everywhere\u2026He\u2019s in the chruch\u2026He\u2019s on the sidewalk\u2026He\u2019s everywhere.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then Little Johnny says: \u201cOh is he in my Wagon?\u201d<\/p>\n

The priest replies: \u201cYes Johnny, God is in your Wagon.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Johnny says: \u201cWell tell him to get the hell out and start pulling.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A nice respectable lady with a savory smell of perfume got on the bus and sat beside me.<\/h2>\n

After some moments I dared to ask her: \u201cExcuse me lady do you mind me asking you what is the name of this perfume and where did you buy it from? I want to buy one for my wife.\u201d<\/p>\n

The lady responded: \u201cIt is Chanel and from Paris.\u201d<\/p>\n

About ten minutes later I felt a strong wind in my belly so I slowly blew it out.<\/p>\n

Some seconds later she broke and said: \u201cOfff\u2026what is this smell, my God\u201d?<\/p>\n

I said: \u201cGarlic and I am from Gilroy, California.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A very distinguished lady was on a plane arriving from Switzerland. She found herself seated next to a nice priest whom she asked: \u201cExcuse me Father, could I ask a favor?\u201d \u201cOf course my child, What can I do for you?\u201d \u201cHere is the problem, I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6391","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6391","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6391"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6391\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6392,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6391\/revisions\/6392"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6391"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6391"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6391"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}