{"id":6309,"date":"2025-04-29T06:29:53","date_gmt":"2025-04-29T05:29:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6309"},"modified":"2025-04-29T06:29:53","modified_gmt":"2025-04-29T05:29:53","slug":"under-the-bed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6309","title":{"rendered":"Under The Bed."},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>Jimmy went to a psychiatrist.<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cDoc,\u201d he said, \u201cI\u2019ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there\u2019s somebody under it. I\u2019m going crazy!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJust put yourself in my hands for one year,\u201d said the shrink. \u201cCome to me three times a week, and I\u2019ll cure your fears.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHow much do you charge?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cA hundred dollars per visit.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019ll sleep on it,\u201d said Jimmy.<\/p>\n<p>Six months later the doctor met Jimmy on the street.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy didn\u2019t you ever come to see me again?\u201d asked the psychiatrist.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cFor a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cIs that so! How?\u201d<\/p>\n<p><strong>\u201cHe told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain\u2019t nobody under there now!!!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-2389 size-full td-animation-stack-type2-2\" src=\"https:\/\/teachmelife.b-cdn.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2.png\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 597px) 100vw, 597px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/teachmelife.b-cdn.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2.png 597w, https:\/\/teachmelife.b-cdn.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2-232x300.png 232w, https:\/\/teachmelife.b-cdn.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2-325x420.png 325w\" alt=\"\" width=\"597\" height=\"772\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist,<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cYou are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, \u201cHave the tranquilizers calmed you down?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYes\u201d, the boy\u2019s mother answered.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cAnd how is your son now?\u201d the psychiatrist asked.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWho cares?\u201d the mother replied.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>A kid asks his father:<\/h2>\n<p>Kid: Daddy why do i have to go to bed?<\/p>\n<p>Dad: Because the bed won\u2019t come to you.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>Two children are in a doctor\u2019s waiting room, and one of them is crying.<\/h2>\n<p>\u201cWhy are you crying?\u201d asked the other child.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m here for a blood test, and they\u2019re going to cut my finger.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When he heard this, the other child started to cry.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhy are you crying?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cI\u2019m here for a urine test.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>Once a doctor dies.<\/h2>\n<p>He was a heart specialist.<\/p>\n<p>At the funeral, his family members and friends make a special coffin on which there is a heart.<\/p>\n<p>A man laughs.<\/p>\n<p>Another man asks him why he laughed.<\/p>\n<p>He says, \u201cI am a gyno I wonder what they will do on my funeral.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Jimmy went to a psychiatrist. \u201cDoc,\u201d he said, \u201cI\u2019ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there\u2019s somebody under it. I\u2019m going crazy!\u201d \u201cJust put yourself in my hands for one year,\u201d said the shrink. \u201cCome to me three times a week, and I\u2019ll cure your fears.\u201d \u201cHow much do you charge?\u201d [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6309","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6309","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6309"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6309\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6310,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6309\/revisions\/6310"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6309"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6309"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6309"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}