A new Army recruit was on the rifle range.
\nHe fired 50 shots and completely missed the target with every shot!<\/p>\n
His Drill Instructor called him to attention and got in his face.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you?\u201d shouted the DI. \u201cWhy can\u2019t you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI was a Cable TV repair man,\u201d replied the recruit, \u201cand I don\u2019t know why I can\u2019t hit the target. Let me see\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
The man checked his rifle, checked his rifle again and then checked his rifle a third time. He then put his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger and blew the end of his finger off!<\/p>\n
\u201cWell,\u201d the phone man said, writhing in pain, \u201cthe bullets are leaving this end here fine. The trouble must be on the other end!\u201d<\/p>\n
A kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.
\nWhen the time came to present what they\u2019d found, the first little boy the teacher called on walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard and sat back down.<\/p>\n
Puzzled, the teacher asked him what it was. \u2018It\u2019s a period,\u2019 he replied.<\/p>\n
\u2018I can see that,\u2019 said the teacher, \u2018but what is so exciting about a period?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Darned if I know,\u2019 chirped the little boy, \u2018but this morning my sister was missing one, my mother fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy!\u2019<\/p>\n
A man goes to the doctor and says, \u201cDoctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.\u201d
\nThe doctor asks, \u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d<\/p>\n
The man says, \u201cWhen I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee \u2013<\/p>\n
OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.\u201d<\/p>\n
The doctor says, \u201cI know what\u2019s wrong with you \u2013 you\u2019ve broken your finger!\u201d<\/p>\n
One day an old woman walked into a shop and got some dog food,
\nshe went to pay for it and the cashier said you can\u2019t buy that dog food we need evidence that you have a dog, so she bought in her dog and she got the dog food.<\/p>\n
The next day the same old lady went to get some cat food and the cashier said you can\u2019t have that cat food we need evidence that you have a cat, so she went home and got her cat and she got the cat food.<\/p>\n
Next day the same old lady went in again and she had a box, she told the cashier to put her finger in it, so she did.<\/p>\n
She said it felt warm and soft, the little old lady then said now you\u2019re satisfied can I have some toilet paper please!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A new Army recruit was on the rifle range. He fired 50 shots and completely missed the target with every shot! His Drill Instructor called him to attention and got in his face. \u201cWhat\u2019s the matter with you?\u201d shouted the DI. \u201cWhy can\u2019t you hit the target? What were you in civilian life?\u201d \u201cI was […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6267","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6267","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6267"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6267\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6268,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6267\/revisions\/6268"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6267"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6267"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6267"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}