{"id":6247,"date":"2025-04-25T11:09:49","date_gmt":"2025-04-25T10:09:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6247"},"modified":"2025-04-25T11:09:49","modified_gmt":"2025-04-25T10:09:49","slug":"a-man-went-to-the-doctor-and-complained","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6247","title":{"rendered":"A man went to the doctor and complained"},"content":{"rendered":"

A man went to the doctor and complained that he had the most terrible constipation.<\/h2>\n

The doctor examined him and then gave him a prescription for some tablets to be taken last thing at night.<\/p>\n

Two weeks later the patient returned for a check-up and the doctor asked him how his constipation was.<\/p>\n

The doctor was rather surprised when the man gloomily answered that the pills worked fine and that he went every morning at 7.30.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo why the long face?\u201d asked the doctor.<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I don\u2019t get up until 8 o\u2019clock ! ! !\u201d replied the patient.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ralph came home drunk one night,<\/h2>\n

slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber\u2026<\/p>\n

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, \u201cYou died in your sleep Ralph.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ralph was stunned. \u201cI\u2019m dead? No I can\u2019t be! I\u2019ve got too much to live for. Send me back!\u201d<\/p>\n

St Peter said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but there\u2019s only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.<\/p>\n

A rooster strolled past. \u201cSo you\u2019re the new hen, huh? How\u2019s your first day here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot bad,\u201d replied Ralph the Hen, \u201cbut I have this strange feeling inside, like I\u2019m going to explode.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re ovulating,\u201d explained the rooster. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve never laid an egg before!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever.\u201d said Ralph.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell just relax and let it happen,\u201d says the rooster, \u201cIt\u2019s no big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg \u2013 his joy was overwhelming.<\/p>\n

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cRALPH wake up! You cr*pped the bed!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A man went to the doctor and complained that he had the most terrible constipation. The doctor examined him and then gave him a prescription for some tablets to be taken last thing at night. Two weeks later the patient returned for a check-up and the doctor asked him how his constipation was. The doctor […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6247"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6247\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6248,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6247\/revisions\/6248"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}