{"id":6245,"date":"2025-04-25T11:09:10","date_gmt":"2025-04-25T10:09:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6245"},"modified":"2025-04-25T11:09:10","modified_gmt":"2025-04-25T10:09:10","slug":"today-is-your-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=6245","title":{"rendered":"Today is your day."},"content":{"rendered":"

Death came to a guy and said, \u201cMy friend today is your day\u2026\u201d<\/h2>\n

The guy said, \u201cBut I am not ready!\u201d<\/p>\n

Then death said, \u201cWell your name is the next on my list\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

So the guy told death, \u201cOk why don\u2019t you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?\u201d<\/p>\n

Death said, \u201cAll right\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep. The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list to the bottom of the list.<\/p>\n

When death woke up he said to the guy,\u00a0\u201cI will start from the bottom of the list because you have been so very nice to me\u2026\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

An old accountant is on his deathbed.<\/h2>\n

Summoning his last bit of strength, he lifts his head and whispers: \u201cIs my beloved wife Sarah here with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

And Sarah says, \u201cYes, I am here.\u201d<\/p>\n

He then says: \u201cAre my children \u2014 my wonderful children \u2014 are they here with me?\u201d<\/p>\n

And they reply, \u201cYes father, we are here with you to see you breathe your last.\u201d<\/p>\n

And he says: \u201cAre my brothers and sisters here with me as well?\u201d<\/p>\n

And they too tell him that they are here.<\/p>\n

So the old man lays back quietly, closes his eyes, and says,<\/p>\n

\u201cSo if everybody is here\u2026 why is the light on in the kitchen?!?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A young guy and girlfriend were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, and just gazing out over the loch.<\/h2>\n

For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, \u201cA penny for your thoughts.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, uh, I was thinkin\u2019. . . perhaps it\u2019s about time for a kiss.\u201d<\/p>\n

The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while the girl spoke again.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnother penny for your thoughts, honey.\u201d<\/p>\n

The young man knit his brow. \u201cWell, now,\u201d he said, \u201cmy thoughts are a bit more serious this time.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally?\u201d said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation.<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t you think it\u2019s about time you pay me that first penny?\u201d, said the guy.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Death came to a guy and said, \u201cMy friend today is your day\u2026\u201d The guy said, \u201cBut I am not ready!\u201d Then death said, \u201cWell your name is the next on my list\u2026\u201d So the guy told death, \u201cOk why don\u2019t you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-6245","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6245","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6245"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6245\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6246,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6245\/revisions\/6246"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6245"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6245"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6245"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}