{"id":5920,"date":"2025-04-06T09:09:21","date_gmt":"2025-04-06T08:09:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5920"},"modified":"2025-04-06T09:09:21","modified_gmt":"2025-04-06T08:09:21","slug":"a-very-specific-order","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5920","title":{"rendered":"A Very Specific Order"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>A man goes into a cafe and asks for breakfast done \u2018my way.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>He says, \u201cCan I get a full cooked breakfast, but I need it cooked my way?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan I have bacon that\u2019s so burnt that it\u2019s blackened like pieces of chiseled anthracite?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan I have sausages that are so rubbery that you could bounce them off the ground and they would hit the roof?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan I have all the shell broken up through my scrambled eggs so it tastes like an egg praline?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cCan I have the tomatoes, mushrooms, and beans so overcooked and watery that they just taste like greasy, congealed slime?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The girl behind the counter says, \u201cDon\u2019t be ridiculous! You expect me to have the time to do all of that for you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And the guy says, \u201cYou seemed to find the time yesterday.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A man goes into a cafe and asks for breakfast done \u2018my way.\u2019 He says, \u201cCan I get a full cooked breakfast, but I need it cooked my way?\u201d \u201cCan I have bacon that\u2019s so burnt that it\u2019s blackened like pieces of chiseled anthracite?\u201d \u201cCan I have sausages that are so rubbery that you could [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2719,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5920","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5920","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5920"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5920\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5921,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5920\/revisions\/5921"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5920"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5920"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5920"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}