In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand.<\/p>\n
He approached her and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know me?\u2019 She responded, \u2018Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I\u2019ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you\u2019ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you\u2019re a big shot when you haven\u2019t the brains to realise you\u2019ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you\u201d.<\/p>\n
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know the defence attorney?\u201d<\/p>\n
She again replied, \u201cWhy yes, I do. I\u2019ve known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He\u2019s lazy, bygoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can\u2019t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him\u201d.<\/p>\n
The defence attorney nearly died.<\/p>\n
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, \u201cIf either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I\u2019ll send you both to the electric chair.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand. He approached her and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know me?\u2019 She responded, \u2018Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I\u2019ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you\u2019ve been a big disappointment to me. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5700","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5700","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5700"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5700\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5701,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5700\/revisions\/5701"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5700"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5700"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5700"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}