{"id":5690,"date":"2025-03-27T05:23:08","date_gmt":"2025-03-27T05:23:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5690"},"modified":"2025-03-27T05:23:08","modified_gmt":"2025-03-27T05:23:08","slug":"two-men-in-the-woods","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5690","title":{"rendered":"Two men in the woods"},"content":{"rendered":"

Two men are walking through the woods and come across a big, deep hole.<\/h2>\n

\u201cWow, that looks deep,\u201d one says.<\/p>\n

The other nods. \u201cSure does. Toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.\u201d<\/p>\n

They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in. They wait to hear a noise but there\u2019s nothing so they decide to throw some larger rocks down to see how deep it is. They toss them in but again there is no noise.<\/p>\n

They look at each other in amazement. One gets a determined look on his face and says: \u201cHey there\u2019s a railroad tie. Help me carry it over here. When we toss it in it has to make some noise.\u201d<\/p>\n

The two drag the heavy tie over to the hole and heave it in. Not a sound comes from the hole.<\/p>\n

Suddenly, out of the nearby woods, a goat appears, running like the wind. It rushes toward the two men, then right past them, running as fast as its legs will carry it. It leaps in the air and into the hole.<\/p>\n

The two men are astonished with what they\u2019ve just seen. Then, out of the woods comes a farmer who spots the men and runs over.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey, you two guys seen my goat out here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou bet we did! Craziest thing I\u2019ve ever seen! It came running like crazy and just jumped into this hole!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh no,\u201d says the farmer. \u201cThat couldn\u2019t have been my goat. My goat was chained to a railroad tie.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Deep within a forest, a little turtle began to climb a tree.<\/h2>\n

After hours of effort, he reached the top, jumped into the air and crashed to the ground.<\/p>\n

After recovering, he slowly climbed the tree again, jumped, and fell to the ground.<\/p>\n

The turtle tried again and again while a couple of birds sitting on a branch watched his sad efforts.<\/p>\n

Finally, the female bird turned to her mate, \u201cDear,\u201d she chirped,\u00a0\u201cI think it\u2019s time to tell him he\u2019s adopted.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Two bats are hanging upside down on a branch.<\/h2>\n

One asks the other, \u201cDo you recall your worst day last year?\u201d<\/p>\n

The other responds, \u201cYes, the day I had diarrhea!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A pharmacist walked into his shop to find a man leaning against the wall.<\/h2>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s wrong with him?\u201d he asked his assistant.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe came in for cough syrup, but I couldn\u2019t find any so I gave him an entire box of laxatives\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou idiot\u201d said the pharmacist \u201cYou can\u2019t treat a cough with laxatives\u201d.<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course you can\u201d the assistant replied \u201cLook at him\u2026\u00a0he is too afraid to cough now!!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A little lizard was walking through the forest to see his pal the monkey.<\/h2>\n

The monkey call out hey little buddy come up here I got some great pot. So the little lizard climbed up the tree. The little lizard and the monkey smoked a great big joint. The little lizard said hey this stuff is great but I have horrible cottonmouth. Well there is a river just down there.<\/p>\n

So the little lizard walk down the tree through the brush and started to drink the water. All of a sudden a crocodile came out of the water. Hey little buddy waz up said the croc, \u201cI just got stoned with my pal the monkey.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cReally\u201d said the croc, \u201cwhere is he I want some.\u201d He is through the brush and up the tree. So the croc walked through the brush and to the tree.<\/p>\n

The monkey said \u201choly shit how much did you drink little buddy.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Two men are walking through the woods and come across a big, deep hole. \u201cWow, that looks deep,\u201d one says. The other nods. \u201cSure does. Toss a few pebbles in there and see how deep it is.\u201d They pick up a few pebbles and throw them in. They wait to hear a noise but there\u2019s […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5690","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5690","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5690"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5690\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5691,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5690\/revisions\/5691"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5690"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5690"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5690"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}