{"id":5684,"date":"2025-03-27T05:21:21","date_gmt":"2025-03-27T05:21:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5684"},"modified":"2025-03-27T05:21:21","modified_gmt":"2025-03-27T05:21:21","slug":"a-complicated-breakfast-order","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5684","title":{"rendered":"A complicated breakfast order!"},"content":{"rendered":"

A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the headwaiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile.<\/h2>\n

\u201cGood Morning Sir\u201d, the Headwaiter says.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat a wonderful morning I`d like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked it`s runny, and the other so over cooked it s tough and hard to eat. Also, grilled bacon that has been left out so it gets a bit on the cold side; burnt toast that crumbles away as soon as you touch it with a knife; butter straight from the deep freeze so that it s impossible to spread; and a pot of very weak coffee, lukewarm.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat`s a complicated order Sir,\u201d said the bewildered waiter, \u201cIt might be quite difficult.\u201d<\/p>\n

The guest replied, \u201cOh? I don t understand what is the problem in that, that`s what I got yesterday!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.<\/h2>\n

She was still feeling bloated from lunch, so she was fearful of farting in front of her date, who hadn\u2019t arrived yet.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t long before she actually did let one out, but she managed to cover up the sound with a fake cough.<\/p>\n

She continued waiting for her date to arrive, but wanted to make sure everything was perfect.<\/p>\n

As she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.<\/p>\n

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands \u201cStop that!\u201d<\/p>\n

The waiter looks at her dryly and says<\/p>\n

\u201cCertainly, madam. Which way was it headed?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A lady walks into Harrods.<\/h2>\n

She looks around, spots a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it. As she bends over to look more closely, she unexpectedly farts.<\/p>\n

Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone noticed her little woops and prays that a sales person was not anywhere near.<\/p>\n

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a salesman standing right behind her \u2013 Good looking as well.<\/p>\n

Cool as a cucumber, he displays all of the qualities one would expect of a professional in a store like Harrods.<\/p>\n

He politely greets the lady with, \u2018Good day, Madam. How may we help you today?<\/p>\n

Blushing and uncomfortable, but still hoping that the salesman somehow missed her little \u2018incident\u2019, she asks, \u2018what is the price of this lovely bracelet?\u2019<\/p>\n

He answers, \u201cMadam \u2013 if you farted just looking at it \u2013 you\u2019re going to sh*t yourself when I tell you the price!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A resident in a posh hotel breakfast room called over the headwaiter one morning and said with a wonderful and cheerful smile. \u201cGood Morning Sir\u201d, the Headwaiter says. \u201cWhat a wonderful morning I`d like two boiled eggs, one of them so under cooked it`s runny, and the other so over cooked it s tough and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5684","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5684","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5684"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5684\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5685,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5684\/revisions\/5685"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5684"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5684"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5684"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}