{"id":5651,"date":"2025-03-25T11:07:54","date_gmt":"2025-03-25T11:07:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5651"},"modified":"2025-03-25T11:07:54","modified_gmt":"2025-03-25T11:07:54","slug":"finding-jesus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5651","title":{"rendered":"Finding Jesus"},"content":{"rendered":"

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river.<\/h2>\n

He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher.<\/p>\n

The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Where upon he asks the drunk, \u201cAre you ready to find Jesus?\u201d The drunk answers, \u201cYes, I am.\u201d So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, \u201cBrother have you found Jesus?\u201d The drunk replies, \u201cNo, I haven\u2019t found Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n

The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again but for a little longer this time. He again pulls him out of the water and asks again, \u201cHave you found Jesus, my brother?\u201d The drunk again answers, \u201cNo, I haven\u2019t found Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n

By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again \u2014 but this time he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicking his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asked the drunk again, \u201cFor the love of God, have you found Jesus?<\/p>\n

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,\u00a0\u201cAre you sure this is where he fell in?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A little boy was afraid of the dark.<\/h2>\n

One night his mother told him to go out to the back porch and bring her the broom.<\/p>\n

The little boy turned to his mother and said: \u201cMama, I don\u2019t want to go out there. It\u2019s dark.\u201d<\/p>\n

The mother smiled reassuringly at her son. \u201cYou don\u2019t have to be afraid of the dark,\u201d she explained. \u201cJesus is out there. He\u2019ll look after you and protect you.\u201d<\/p>\n

The little boy looked at his mother with a confused stare and asked: \u201cAre you sure he\u2019s out there?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I\u2019m sure. He is everywhere, and he is always ready to help you when you need him,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

The little boy thought about that for a minute and then went to the back door and cracked it a little. Peering out into the darkness, he called:\u00a0\u201cJesus? If you\u2019re out there, would you please hand me the broom?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers<\/h2>\n

was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long time ago, that He grew up, etc.<\/p>\n

So he asked his class, \u201cWhere is Jesus today?\u201d<\/p>\n

Steven raised his hand and said, \u201cHe\u2019s in heaven.\u201d<\/p>\n

Mary was called on and answered, \u201cHe\u2019s in my heart.\u201d<\/p>\n

Little Johnny, waving his hand furiously, blurted out, \u201cI know! I know! He\u2019s in our bathroom!\u201d<\/p>\n

The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. He finally gathered his wits and asked Little Johnny how he knew this.<\/p>\n

And Little Johnny said, \u201cWell\u2026 every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells \u2018Jesus Christ, are you still in there?’\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Where upon he asks the drunk, \u201cAre you ready […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5651","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5651","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5651"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5651\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5652,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5651\/revisions\/5652"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5651"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5651"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5651"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}