{"id":5643,"date":"2025-03-25T11:05:18","date_gmt":"2025-03-25T11:05:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5643"},"modified":"2025-03-25T11:05:18","modified_gmt":"2025-03-25T11:05:18","slug":"the-honest-grandmother-at-the-trial","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5643","title":{"rendered":"The honest grandmother at the trial"},"content":{"rendered":"

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand.<\/h2>\n

He approached her and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know me?\u2019 She responded, \u2018Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I\u2019ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you\u2019ve been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you\u2019re a big shot when you haven\u2019t the brains to realise you\u2019ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you\u201d.<\/p>\n

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know the defence attorney?\u201d<\/p>\n

She again replied, \u201cWhy yes, I do. I\u2019ve known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He\u2019s lazy, bygoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can\u2019t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him\u201d.<\/p>\n

The defence attorney nearly died.<\/p>\n

The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, \u201cIf either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I\u2019ll send you both to the electric chair.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial.<\/h2>\n

The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer\u2019s credibility.<\/p>\n

Q: \u201cOfficer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?\u201d<\/p>\n

A: \u201cNo, sir! But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.\u201d<\/p>\n

Q: \u201cOfficer, who provided this description?\u201d<\/p>\n

A: \u201cThe officer who responded to the scene.\u201d<\/p>\n

Q: \u201cA fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender! Do you trust your fellow officers?\u201d<\/p>\n

A: \u201cYes, sir, with my life!\u201d<\/p>\n

Q: \u201cWith your life? Let me ask you this then officer: Do you have a locker in the room?\u201d<\/p>\n

A: \u201cYes, sir, I do!\u201d<\/p>\n

Q: \u201cAnd do you have a lock on your locker?\u201d<\/p>\n

A: \u201cYes, sir!\u201d<\/p>\n

Q: \u201cNow, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with the same officers?\u201d<\/p>\n

A: \u201cYou see, sir, we share the building with the Court Complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.\u201d<\/p>\n

The courtroom exploded with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand. He approached her and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know me?\u2019 She responded, \u2018Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I\u2019ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you\u2019ve been a big disappointment to me. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5643","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5643","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5643"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5643\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5644,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5643\/revisions\/5644"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5643"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5643"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5643"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}