{"id":5601,"date":"2025-03-23T07:36:20","date_gmt":"2025-03-23T07:36:20","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5601"},"modified":"2025-03-23T07:36:20","modified_gmt":"2025-03-23T07:36:20","slug":"cut-cut-cut","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5601","title":{"rendered":"Cut! Cut! Cut!"},"content":{"rendered":"

I was enjoying my food when a man entered\u00a0the restaurant\u00a0where I was eating with a briefcase.<\/h2>\n

I thought he was a politician as his dressing and pot belly portrayed it.<\/p>\n

He walked and sat down as everybody looked at him.<\/p>\n

Suddenly a woman came to him and started crying. She knelt down and told him that her children had died of hunger. This man opened the briefcase and gave this woman five thousand dollars. She jumped up and left the scene in happiness.<\/p>\n

I was still watching when another man started crying and came to him. He knelt down and begged him that he needed money to establish a business. The rich man took out three hundred thousand dollars and gave the money to the poor guy.<\/p>\n

This time I started murmuring and practicing on the lie I would blow to have my own national cake. I started crying and came to the man. I knelt down and heard,\u00a0\u2018Cut! Cut! Cut!\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n

I turned and saw the director of the movie laughing. Shame almost k*lled me.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night.<\/h2>\n

She was still feeling bloated from lunch, so she was fearful of farting in front of her date, who hadn\u2019t arrived yet.<\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t long before she actually did let one out, but she managed to cover up the sound with a fake cough.<\/p>\n

She continued waiting for her date to arrive, but wanted to make sure everything was perfect.<\/p>\n

As she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up.<\/p>\n

Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands \u201cStop that!\u201d<\/p>\n

The waiter looks at her dryly and says<\/p>\n

\u201cCertainly, madam. Which way was it headed?\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was enjoying my food when a man entered\u00a0the restaurant\u00a0where I was eating with a briefcase. I thought he was a politician as his dressing and pot belly portrayed it. He walked and sat down as everybody looked at him. Suddenly a woman came to him and started crying. She knelt down and told him […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2720,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5601","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5601","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5601"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5601\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5602,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5601\/revisions\/5602"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2720"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5601"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5601"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5601"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}