{"id":5568,"date":"2025-03-20T12:49:19","date_gmt":"2025-03-20T12:49:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5568"},"modified":"2025-03-20T12:49:19","modified_gmt":"2025-03-20T12:49:19","slug":"wheres-pa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5568","title":{"rendered":"Where\u2019s Pa?"},"content":{"rendered":"

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn.<\/h2>\n

The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Wilmer!\u201d the farmer yelled. \u201cForget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I\u2019ll help you get the wagon up.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s mighty nice of you,\u201d Wilmer answered. \u201cBut I don\u2019t think Pa would like me to.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAw, come on.\u201d the farmer insisted.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell okay,\u201d the boy finally agreed, and added, \u201cBut Pa won\u2019t like it.\u201d<\/p>\n

After a hearty dinner, Wilmer thanked his host. \u201cI feel a lot better now, but I know Pa is going to be real upset.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be foolish!\u201d the neighbour said with a smile. \u201cBy the way, where is your Pa?\u201d<\/p>\n

Wilmer replied,\u00a0\u201cUnder the wagon.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Ralph came home drunk one night,<\/h2>\n

slid into bed beside his sleeping wife, and fell into a deep slumber\u2026<\/p>\n

He awoke before the Pearly Gates where saint Peter said, \u201cYou died in your sleep Ralph.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ralph was stunned. \u201cI\u2019m dead? No I can\u2019t be! I\u2019ve got too much to live for. Send me back!\u201d<\/p>\n

St Peter said, \u201cI\u2019m sorry, but there\u2019s only one way you can go back, and that is as a lesser being. An animal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ralph was devastated, but begs St Peter to send him to a farm near his home. The next thing he knew, he was covered with feathers, clucking, and pecking the ground.<\/p>\n

A rooster strolled past. \u201cSo you\u2019re the new hen, huh? How\u2019s your first day here?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNot bad,\u201d replied Ralph the Hen, \u201cbut I have this strange feeling inside, like I\u2019m going to explode.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re ovulating,\u201d explained the rooster. \u201cDon\u2019t tell me you\u2019ve never laid an egg before!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNever.\u201d said Ralph.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell just relax and let it happen,\u201d says the rooster, \u201cIt\u2019s no big deal.\u201d<\/p>\n

Ralph did, and a few uncomfortable seconds later, out popped an egg! Ralph was overcome with emotion as he experienced motherhood. He soon laid another egg \u2013 his joy was overwhelming.<\/p>\n

As he was about to lay his third egg, he felt a smack on the back of his head, and heard his wife yell\u2026<\/p>\n

\u201cRALPH wake up! You cr*pped the bed!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

A cowboy rides his horse into a small town.<\/h2>\n

His throat is parched, so he ties his horse to a pole next to a bar and goes in for a drink. He comes out a few minutes later, and someone already stole his horse.<\/p>\n

The people of the town are looking to see his reaction, they aren\u2019t even discreet about it. He looks around at everyone and says loud and clear: \u201cI will walk back into the bar to get myself another drink, and if I don\u2019t see my horse right in front of the bar, I will have to do what I did in Texas a year ago after someone stole my horse. And trust me, I didn\u2019t like what I had to do in Texas a year ago.\u201d<\/p>\n

After his confident speech, the man walked back into the bar. The townsfolk looked at each other in fear and got the horse back.<\/p>\n

The cowboy finished his second drink and walked out of the bar, saddled the horse, but just before he left the bartender walked up to him and asked. \u201cHey, cowboy, we know that we got you your horse back, but do you mind telling us what you had to do a year ago in Texas?\u201d<\/p>\n

The cowboy looked at him with an iron gaze and responded:\u00a0\u201cI had to walk home.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A farm boy accidentally overturned his wagon-load of corn. The farmer who lived nearby heard the noise. \u201cHey Wilmer!\u201d the farmer yelled. \u201cForget your troubles. Come in and have a bite with us. Then I\u2019ll help you get the wagon up.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s mighty nice of you,\u201d Wilmer answered. \u201cBut I don\u2019t think Pa would like […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5568","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5568","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5568"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5568\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5569,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5568\/revisions\/5569"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5568"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5568"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5568"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}