{"id":5524,"date":"2025-03-19T06:20:53","date_gmt":"2025-03-19T06:20:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5524"},"modified":"2025-03-19T06:20:53","modified_gmt":"2025-03-19T06:20:53","slug":"no-i-wont-sleep-with-you","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5524","title":{"rendered":"No, I Won\u2019t Sleep With You."},"content":{"rendered":"

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end.<\/h2>\n

After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, \u201cUm, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?\u201d<\/p>\n

To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, \u201cNo, I won\u2019t s.leep with you tonight!\u201d<\/p>\n

By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.<\/p>\n

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I\u2019m a graduate student in psychology and I\u2019m studying how people respond to embarrassing situations.\u201d<\/p>\n

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, \u201cWhat do you mean $200!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.<\/h2>\n

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.<\/p>\n

The 10 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a tall building preparing to jump.<\/p>\n

The blonde looked at Bob and said, \u201cDo you think he\u2019ll jump?\u201d<\/p>\n

Bob said, \u201cYou know, I bet he\u2019ll jump.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde replied, \u201cWell, I bet $20 he won\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, \u201cYou\u2019re on!\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building.<\/p>\n

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob. \u201cFair\u2019s fair. Here\u2019s your money.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bob replied, \u201cI can\u2019t take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news, So I knew he would jump.\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde replied, \u201cI did, too, But I didn\u2019t think he\u2019d do it again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Bob took the money.<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A man and a monkey walk into a bar.<\/h2>\n

The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the bar and eats a very old olive that was sitting there.<\/p>\n

The bartender says,\u00a0\u201cDid you see what your monkey did? He ate that disgusting olive!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

The man says, \u201cOh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.<\/p>\n

A couple days later, the man and the monkey walk back into the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the pool table and swallows the cue ball.<\/p>\n

The bartender says,\u00a0\u201cDid you see what your monkey did? He swallowed the cue ball!\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

The man says, \u201cOh, he does stuff like that all the time. Just ignore it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man finishes his beer and he and the monkey leave.<\/p>\n

A week later, the man and the monkey walk back into the bar. The man sits down and orders a beer. The monkey jumps onto the bar, picks up a cherry, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it.<\/p>\n

The bartender says, \u201cThat is the most disgusting thing I\u2019ve ever seen. Your monkey stuck that cherry up his butt and ate it.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man says,\u00a0\u201cYeah, ever since the cue ball incident, he measures everything first.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, \u201cUm, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?\u201d To which she responds by yelling, at the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5524","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5524"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5525,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5524\/revisions\/5525"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5524"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5524"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5524"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}