{"id":5518,"date":"2025-03-19T06:18:55","date_gmt":"2025-03-19T06:18:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5518"},"modified":"2025-03-19T06:18:55","modified_gmt":"2025-03-19T06:18:55","slug":"only-10-a-pound","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5518","title":{"rendered":"Only $10 a pound."},"content":{"rendered":"

A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads<\/h2>\n

\u201cLose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238\u201d and decides to make the call. The operator asks, \u201cHow much weight do you want to lose?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFive pounds,\u201d he replies.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll have a representative over in the morning,\u201d says the operator.<\/p>\n

About 9 a.m., there\u2019s a knock on the door. There stands a fairly good-looking girl, scantily-clad with a sign around her neck reading \u201cIf You Catch Me, You Can Have Me\u201d.<\/p>\n

The hefty fellow chases her upstairs, downstairs, and all around the house. Finally, panting and wheezing, he catches her. And he has her. After that, he runs to the bathroom and weighs himself. He\u2019s lost 5 pounds!<\/p>\n

That night he calls the number again and says, \u201cI want to lose 10 pounds.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll send someone over.\u201d<\/p>\n

The next morning, he\u2019s greeted by a gorgeous girl dressed only in track shoes and wearing a sign around her neck that reads \u201cIf You Catch Me, You Can Have Me\u201d. The chase takes a good while longer this time, but later he finds he\u2019s lost 10 pounds!<\/p>\n

That night he calls and says, \u201cI want to lose 20 pounds!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTwenty pounds?\u201d the operator asks. \u201cThat\u2019s an awful lot.\u201d<\/p>\n

The man replies, \u201cListen, just take care of it!\u201d<\/p>\n

About 7 a.m. the man hears a knock and opens the door. Outside stands an enormous gorilla with a sign around its neck that reads \u201cIf I Catch You, I Can Have You\u201d.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Two women were shopping.<\/h2>\n

When they started to discuss their home lives, one said, \u201cSeems like all my boyfriend and I do anymore is fight. I\u2019ve been so upset I\u2019ve lost 20 pounds in two weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy don\u2019t you just leave him then?\u201d asked her friend.<\/p>\n

\u201cNot yet,\u201d the first replied, \u201cI like to lose at least another 10 to 15 pounds first.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A blond becomes terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.<\/h2>\n

\u201cI want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you\u2019ll have lost at least five pounds.\u201d<\/p>\n

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, that\u2019s amazing!\u201d the doctor said, \u201cDid you follow my instructions?\u201d<\/p>\n

The blonde nodded\u2026 \u201cI\u2019ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cFrom hunger, you mean?\u201d, asked the doctor.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo, from skipping everywhere.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A blond was rollerblading with her headphones on.<\/h2>\n

She stopped at a hair salon and asked for a haircut.<\/p>\n

She instructed that the hair stylist could not take off her headphones.<\/p>\n

The stylist replied refusing to cut her hair, so she left.<\/p>\n

She went to a different hair salon and said the same thing.<\/p>\n

This time, the stylist agreed to cut her hair.<\/p>\n

After a while, the blond fell asleep in the chair.<\/p>\n

To wake her, the stylist took off the headphones.<\/p>\n

The blond immediately fell on the floor, flopped and died.<\/p>\n

Confused at what happened, the stylist put on the headphones.<\/p>\n

They were saying:\u00a0\u201cbreath in, breath out.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A heavyset guy sees an ad that reads \u201cLose weight. Only $10 a pound. Call (202) 555-0238\u201d and decides to make the call. The operator asks, \u201cHow much weight do you want to lose?\u201d \u201cFive pounds,\u201d he replies. \u201cWe\u2019ll have a representative over in the morning,\u201d says the operator. About 9 a.m., there\u2019s a knock […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5518","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5518","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5518"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5518\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5519,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5518\/revisions\/5519"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5518"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5518"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5518"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}