{"id":5514,"date":"2025-03-19T06:17:06","date_gmt":"2025-03-19T06:17:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5514"},"modified":"2025-03-19T06:17:06","modified_gmt":"2025-03-19T06:17:06","slug":"an-elderly-married-couple-had-just-settled-into-bed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5514","title":{"rendered":"An elderly married couple had just settled into bed"},"content":{"rendered":"

An elderly married couple had just settled into bed when the old man let out a loud fart and declared, \u201cSeven points!\u201d<\/strong><\/h2>\n

His wife, confused, rolled over and asked, \u201cWhat was that all about?\u201d<\/p>\n

The old man grinned and replied, \u201cIt\u2019s fart football.\u201d<\/p>\n

Not wanting to be left out, a few minutes later the wife let one rip and proudly announced, \u201cTouchdown, tie game!\u201d<\/p>\n

After a short pause, the old man fired off another and boasted, \u201cAha, 14 to 7! I\u2019m winning.\u201d<\/p>\n

Determined to keep up, the wife let loose with another big one, saying, \u201cTouchdown, tie game again.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then, with a little squeaker, she added, \u201cField goal! I\u2019m in the lead, 17 to 14.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now feeling the pressure, the old man couldn\u2019t stand the thought of losing. Determined not to be defeated, he pushed with all his might\u2014but gave a little too much effort. To his horror, he accidentally pooped in the bed.<\/p>\n

His wife, shocked, asked, \u201cWhat on earth just happened?\u201d<\/p>\n

The old man sighed and said, \u201cHalf time\u2014time to switch sides.\u201d<\/p>\n

LOL!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

Hope this joke will make you smile! Have a nice day!!<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

An old couple had been married for 50 years.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

An old couple had been married for 50 years.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

Every morning (without fail) the man produced a massive fart when he got out of bed and then laughed like a madman.<\/p>\n

Also every morning, his wife would admonish him: \u201cOne of these days you\u2019re going to fart your guts out.\u201d<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Thanksgiving morning.<\/p>\n

The old man is sleeping in and the old lady is in the initial steps of preparing the turkey. While she has a handful of turkey innards, she gets an idea.<\/p>\n

She tiptoes up the stairs and into the bedroom. She carefully pulls back the waistband of her husband\u2019s jockey shorts and loads him up with warm turkey guts.<\/p>\n

An hour later the woman hears him stirring.<\/p>\n

She hears his feet hit the floor and then the normal fart-laugh sequence.<\/p>\n

The laugh stops abruptly and is followed by a scream, and then 10 minutes of utter silence.<\/p>\n

The man eventually comes down the stairs and says to his wife: \u201cHoney, I owe you an apology. For years, you\u2019ve been telling me that I was going to fart my guts out. Today it finally happened, but by the grace of God and these 2 fingers (raises soiled 1st and 2nd digit) I got \u2019em all back in and I\u2019m gonna be OK.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An elderly married couple had just settled into bed when the old man let out a loud fart and declared, \u201cSeven points!\u201d His wife, confused, rolled over and asked, \u201cWhat was that all about?\u201d The old man grinned and replied, \u201cIt\u2019s fart football.\u201d Not wanting to be left out, a few minutes later the wife […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5514","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5514","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5514"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5514\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5515,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5514\/revisions\/5515"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5514"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5514"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5514"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}