{"id":5499,"date":"2025-03-18T11:05:12","date_gmt":"2025-03-18T11:05:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5499"},"modified":"2025-03-18T11:05:12","modified_gmt":"2025-03-18T11:05:12","slug":"dont-mess-with-an-old-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5499","title":{"rendered":"Don\u2019t mess with an old man"},"content":{"rendered":"

Don\u2019t mess with an old man<\/h2>\n

An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic.<\/p>\n

He put a sign up outside that said:\u00a0\u201cGet your treatment for $500 \u2013 if not cured, get back $1,000.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

Doctor \u201cYoung,\u201d who was positive that this old geezer didn\u2019t know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000.<\/p>\n

He went to Dr Geezer\u2019s clinic and this is what happened.<\/h3>\n

Dr Young: \u201cDr Geezer, I have lost all taste in my mouth. Can you please help me?<\/p>\n

Dr Geezer: \u201cNurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in Dr Young\u2019s mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Young: \u201cAaagh! This is Gasoline!\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Geezer: \u201cCongratulations! You\u2019ve got your taste back. That will be $500.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money.<\/p>\n

Dr Young: \u201cI have lost my memory and I cannot remember anything.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Geezer: \u201cNurse, please bring medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient\u2019s mouth.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Young: \u201cOh no you don\u2019t, that\u2019s Gasoline!\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Geezer: \u201cCongratulations! You\u2019ve got your memory back. That will be $500.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Young (after having lost $1000) leaves angrily and comes back after several more days.<\/p>\n

Dr Young: \u201cMy eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Geezer: \u201cWell, I don\u2019t have any medicine for that. Here\u2019s your $1000 back.\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Young: \u201cBut this is only $500!\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr Geezer: \u201cCongratulations! You have got your vision back! That will be $500.\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A 97 year old man goes in the insurance and says to the insurer:<\/h2>\n

\u201cHello my son. I want to have a life insurance policy.\u201d<\/p>\n

Perplexed by the old man, the insurer asks: \u201cSorry for the indiscretion, but why do you want to make life insurance?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know my son I will travel with my father in Europe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even more perplexed the insurer, asks: \u201cAgain, sorry, but how old is your father?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c127. \u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c127? And what will you do in Europe?\u201d<\/p>\n

He answers: \u201cWe will go to the wedding of my grandfather.\u201d<\/p>\n

Even more shocked the insurer asks: \u201cAnd how old is your grandfather?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe is \u2026 Oh, 150.\u201d<\/p>\n

And the insurer ready to hear everything now, asks: \u201cOh well, how come your grandfather wants to get married at this age?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBullshit, you know his parents are pressing him!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

A little old man who\u2019s hard of hearing goes to see the doctor.<\/h2>\n

As he can\u2019t hear very well, he takes his wife with him.<\/p>\n

The doctor examines the man and then says, \u201cHmm, I think we need to take a stool sample, a urine sample and a sperm sample.\u201d<\/p>\n

The old man turns to his wife and asks, \u201cWhat did he say?\u201d<\/p>\n

The wife replies,\u00a0\u201cHe said he wants your underwear.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Don\u2019t mess with an old man An old geezer, who had been a retired farmer for a long time became very bored and decided to open a medical clinic. He put a sign up outside that said:\u00a0\u201cGet your treatment for $500 \u2013 if not cured, get back $1,000.\u201d Doctor \u201cYoung,\u201d who was positive that this […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5499","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5499"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5499\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5500,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5499\/revisions\/5500"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5499"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5499"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5499"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}