{"id":5493,"date":"2025-03-18T11:03:02","date_gmt":"2025-03-18T11:03:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5493"},"modified":"2025-03-18T11:03:02","modified_gmt":"2025-03-18T11:03:02","slug":"the-89-year-old-thief","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5493","title":{"rendered":"The 89 Year Old Thief."},"content":{"rendered":"

This 89 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.<\/h2>\n

When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, \u201cWhat did you steal?\u201d<\/p>\n

She replied,\u00a0\u201cA can of peaches.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry.<\/p>\n

Then the judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.<\/p>\n

She replied 6.<\/p>\n

The judge said, \u201cThen I will give you 6 days in jail.\u201d<\/p>\n

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman\u2019s husband spoke up and asked, the judge if he could say something on his wifes behalf.<\/p>\n

The judge said, \u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n

The husband said,\u00a0\u201cShe also stole a can of peas.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so Chad \u2013 the new blond recruit, wants the job.<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay,\u201d the sheriff drawled, \u201cChad, what is 1 and 1?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c11\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n

The sheriff thought to himself, \u201cThat\u2019s not what I meant, but he\u2019s right.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat two days of the week start with the letter \u2018T\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cToday and tomorrow.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was again surprised that Chad supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. Perhaps he has a creative mind.<\/p>\n

\u201cNow Chad, listen carefully: Who k*lled Abraham Lincoln?\u201d<\/p>\n

Chad looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, \u201cI don\u2019t know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, why don\u2019t you go home and work on that one for a while?\u201d<\/p>\n

So, Chad wandered over to the pool hall where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey Chad! How was it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt went great! First day on the job and I\u2019m already working on a murd*r case!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Two lazy bones are fast asleep.<\/h2>\n

A thief comes in, pulls the blanket from the bed, and makes off with it.<\/p>\n

One of them is aware of what happened and says to the other, \u2018Get up! Go after the guy who stole our blanket!\u2019<\/p>\n

The other responds,\u00a0\u2018Forget it. When he comes back to take the mattress, let\u2019s grab him then.\u2019<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This 89 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting. When she went before the judge in Cincinnati he asked her, \u201cWhat did you steal?\u201d She replied,\u00a0\u201cA can of peaches.\u201d The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches and she replied that she was hungry. Then the judge asked her how […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5493","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5493","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5493"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5493\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5494,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5493\/revisions\/5494"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5493"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5493"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5493"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}