{"id":5447,"date":"2025-03-15T11:54:40","date_gmt":"2025-03-15T11:54:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5447"},"modified":"2025-03-15T11:54:40","modified_gmt":"2025-03-15T11:54:40","slug":"do-you-fart-in-bed","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5447","title":{"rendered":"Do you fart in bed?"},"content":{"rendered":"

If this story doesn\u2019t make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I\u2019ll pray for you.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband\u2019s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water, and make her gasp for air.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick.<\/p>\n

He told her he couldn\u2019t stop it and that it was perfectly natural.<\/p>\n

She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out.<\/p>\n

The years went by and he continued to rip them out.<\/p>\n

Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.<\/p>\n

Sometime later she heard her husband wake with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood-curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom.<\/p>\n

The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes!<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

After years of torture, she reckoned she had got him back pretty good.<\/p>\n

About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood-stained underpants with a look of horror on his face.<\/p>\n

She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, \u201cHoney you were right\u2026 all these years you have warned me and I didn\u2019t listen to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d asked his wife.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

\u201cWell, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026\u2026.\u2026..\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

Husband ask wife how many men she had been with<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

A newly married couple is lying in bed and the husband curiously asks his wife how many men she has been with.<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/div>\n

Despite his question, the woman remains silent and looks at the ceiling.<\/p>\n

Pressing the matter, the husband asks again, assuring her, \u201cJust share it with me, it\u2019s okay. How many men have you been with?\u201d<\/p>\n

Still met with silence, the wife\u2019s eyes remain fixed above.<\/p>\n

Realizing that his words may have caused discomfort, the husband apologizes: \u201cI\u2019m sorry, I didn\u2019t mean to upset you. I just thought we could have an open and trusting relationship\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

However, his wife remains silent.<\/p>\n

Feeling a sense of defeat, the husband concedes, saying, \u201cThat\u2019s alright, please don\u2019t be upset.\u201d<\/p>\n

Despite his attempts to comfort her, the woman does not respond.<\/p>\n

The husband determined to bridge the gap, begins to hold her closely, showering her with hugs and kisses as a display of his affection.<\/p>\n

<\/div>\n

In this moment of intimacy, the wife appears to snap out of her silence.<\/p>\n

She redirects her gaze from the ceiling to her husband, her expression now one of frustration.<\/p>\n

With a hint of exasperation, she blurts out, \u201cOh, come on! You\u2019ve made me lose count!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

If this story doesn\u2019t make you cry for laughing so hard, let me know and I\u2019ll pray for you. This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband\u2019s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5447","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5447","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5447"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5447\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5448,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5447\/revisions\/5448"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5447"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5447"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5447"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}