{"id":5396,"date":"2025-03-13T11:07:16","date_gmt":"2025-03-13T11:07:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5396"},"modified":"2025-03-13T11:07:16","modified_gmt":"2025-03-13T11:07:16","slug":"an-irishman-and-an-englishman-go-to-a-bakery","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=5396","title":{"rendered":"An Irishman and an Englishman go to a bakery."},"content":{"rendered":"

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

The Englishman steals three buns, puts them into his pockets, and leaves.<\/p>\n

He tells the Irishman, \u201cThat took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn\u2019t even see me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s just simple thievery,\u201d the Irishman replied.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll show you how to do it the honest way and get the same results.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Irishman then proceeded to call out the owner of the bakery and said, \u201cSir, I want to show you a magic trick.\u201d<\/p>\n

The owner was intrigued, so he came over to see the magic trick.<\/p>\n

The Irishman asked him for a bun, and then he proceeded to eat it.<\/p>\n

He asked two more times, and after eating them again, the owner said, \u201cOkay, my friend, where\u2019s the magic trick?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Irishman then said, \u201cLook in the Englishman\u2019s pockets.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

An Irishman walks into a bar in London<\/strong><\/h2>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

An Irishman walks into a bar in London one lunchtime and orders three pints of Guinness.<\/strong><\/h2>\n

He takes them off to a table and starts drinking them, a sip at a time from each in sequence.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s unusual but the barman\u2019s busy and doesn\u2019t ask.<\/p>\n

But the Irishman returns at lunch the next day\u00a0and does the same thing.<\/p>\n

And this goes on for a week before the barman eventually asks, \u201cSo, what\u2019s with the three pints?\u201d<\/p>\n

The Irishman replies, \u201cSimple. I have a brother back home in Dublin and another in New York, and we all promised we\u2019d drink like this, as a way of staying close and keeping each other in mind, y\u2019know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Which satisfies the barman.<\/p>\n

Anyway, the days become weeks and months, the Irishman becomes a regular, and everyone knows and loves him.<\/p>\n

The ritual becomes a part of the pub\u2019s folklore.<\/p>\n

One lunchtime, the Irishman comes in and orders two pints of Guinness.<\/p>\n

Silence descends on the pub as the Irishman takes his pints to his table.<\/p>\n

The barman, awkward as all hell but feeling like he has to say something, comes over to the Irishman and says, \u201cEr, listen, Paddy, I just wanted to say I \u2013 well, we \u2013 we\u2019re all so sorry for your loss, and, er, if there\u2019s anything we can, er, we can do to, y\u2019know, help or anything\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

The Irishman looks up at the barman, his face a mask of incomprehension \u2013 until suddenly, understanding hits him and he starts laughing.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat? You thought \u2013 aw c\u2019mon man, it\u2019s nothing like that! I just quit drinking!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

An Englishman and an Irishman go to a bakery. The Englishman steals three buns, puts them into his pockets, and leaves. He tells the Irishman, \u201cThat took great skill and guile to steal those buns. The owner didn\u2019t even see me.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s just simple thievery,\u201d the Irishman replied. \u201cI\u2019ll show you how to do it […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5396","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5396","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5396"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5396\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5397,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5396\/revisions\/5397"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5396"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5396"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5396"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}