{"id":4798,"date":"2025-02-06T10:14:34","date_gmt":"2025-02-06T10:14:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=4798"},"modified":"2025-02-06T10:14:34","modified_gmt":"2025-02-06T10:14:34","slug":"a-push-please","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/?p=4798","title":{"rendered":"A Push Please."},"content":{"rendered":"<h2>A man is in bed when there is a knock at the door.<\/h2>\n<p>He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it\u2019s 3:30 in the morning. \u201cI\u2019m not getting out of bed at this time,\u201d he thinks, and rolls over.<\/p>\n<p>Then a louder knock follows. \u201cAren\u2019t you going to answer that?\u201d says his wife. So he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing on the porch. It didn\u2019t take the homeowner long to realise the man was intoxicated.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cHi there,\u201d slurs the stranger. \u201cCan you give me a push??\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cNo, get lost! It\u2019s half past three. I was in bed,\u201d says the man and he slams the door. He goes back up and tells his wife what happened and she says, \u201cThat wasn\u2019t very nice of you. Remember that night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up from the babysitter and you had to knock on that man\u2019s house to get us started again? What would have happened if he\u2019d told us to get lost?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cBut the guy wasn\u2019t even in his senses,\u201dsays the husband. \u201cIt doesn\u2019t matter,\u201d says the wife. \u201cHe needs our help and it would be a good thing to help him.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes downstairs. He opens the front door, and not being able to see the stranger anywhere he shouts, \u201cHey, do you still want a push?\u201d And he hears a voice cry out, \u201cYeah, please.\u201d So, still being unable to see the stranger he shouts, \u201cWhere are you?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>And the man replies,\u00a0<strong>\u201cOver here, on the swing.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n<div class=\"google-auto-placed ap_container\"><\/div>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignnone wp-image-2389 size-full td-animation-stack-type2-2\" src=\"https:\/\/teachmelife.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2.png\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 597px) 100vw, 597px\" srcset=\"https:\/\/teachmelife.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2.png 597w, https:\/\/teachmelife.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2-232x300.png 232w, https:\/\/teachmelife.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/06\/w2-325x420.png 325w\" alt=\"\" width=\"597\" height=\"772\" \/><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>A young boy knocked on my door on Halloween night and said, \u201cTrick or treat?\u201d<\/h2>\n<div class=\"google-auto-placed ap_container\"><\/div>\n<p>I looked at him and asked, \u201cWhat have you come as?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cA werewolf.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I said, \u201cBut you\u2019re not wearing a costume. You\u2019ve just got your normal clothes on.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>He said, \u201cYeah well, it\u2019s not\u00a0<strong>a full moon<\/strong>\u00a0yet, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<h2>A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night.<\/h2>\n<div class=\"google-auto-placed ap_container\"><\/div>\n<p>All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJesus is gonna get you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The robber ignored it, and takes the TV.<\/p>\n<p>Again, the parrot cries out.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cJesus is gonna get you.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The robber started to get a little worried.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat\u2019s your name, birdie?\u201d<\/p>\n<div class=\"google-auto-placed ap_container\"><\/div>\n<p>\u201cMoses.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhat dumbass named you Moses?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThe same dumbass who called his rottweiler Jesus.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>A man is in bed when there is a knock at the door. He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it\u2019s 3:30 in the morning. \u201cI\u2019m not getting out of bed at this time,\u201d he thinks, and rolls over. Then a louder knock follows. \u201cAren\u2019t you going to answer that?\u201d says his wife. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2718,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4798","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4798","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4798"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4798\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4799,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4798\/revisions\/4799"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2718"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4798"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4798"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4798"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}