A guy wakes up with a huge hangover and no recollection of his night out with his mates.<\/p>\n
Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table.<\/p>\n
He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean shirt on top. The bedroom is immaculate. On the bedside table is a note, which says, \u201cDarling, your breakfast is in the kitchen. I love you.\u201d<\/p>\n
Downstairs, he finds his favourite cereal, croissants, fresh OJ and freshly brewed coffee laid out waiting for him, along with the morning paper \u2013 and his 15-year-old son, who is finishing his own breakfast. \u2018Tell me, son,\u2019 he asks, \u2018what happened last night?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018Well, says the boy, \u2018you came home so blind drunk you didn\u2019t even know your own name. You nearly broke the door down, then you were sick in the hallway, then you knocked the furniture over and when Mum tried to calm you down, you thought she was the police, so you gave her a black eye.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u2018Christ!\u2019 says the man. \u201cThen how come my clothes are all folded, the house is tidy and my breakfast is ready?\u2019<\/p>\n
\u2018When Mum dragged you into the bedroom and tried to get your trousers off to put you into bed, you shouted at her, \u201cGet your filthy hands off me, you whore, I\u2019m married!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A guy wakes up with a huge hangover and no recollection of his night out with his mates. Slowly opening his eyes, he sees a bottle of aspirin and a glass of water on the bedside table. He looks around the room to find his clothes are on the dresser, neatly folded, with a clean […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2719,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4732","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-random-stuff"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4732","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4732"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4732\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4733,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4732\/revisions\/4733"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/2719"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4732"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4732"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/buzzfeednews.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4732"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}